Tear Stains and Lies
by mstingwray
Summary: Harry Potter, the boy who lived, abused by those who were meant to protect him. The Dursley's had best hope that they never live to see the day Sirius comes to collect his godchild. Warnings: Child abuse, coarse language.
1. Letters to Sirius

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Harry's tear stained face seemed almost unrecognizable to those who knew him, his once optimistic features foreshadowed by grief. Skinny and bruised, the boy was anything but healthy. After blowing his Aunt up last summer Harry had been moved back into the cupboard... much to his dismay.

Needless to say, the boy was in slightly more upbeat than in previous years; finally have something to look forward to. He had a godfather, one who wanted Harry to move in with him. His 11th birthday had brought him the first real home he had ever known, Hogwarts, perhaps it were possible to have two. His friends would boast about their home lives, about past holidays and family outings. Family wasn't exactly a word he could relate to.

His Aunt Petunia had an unbelievably short temper, yelling at Harry whenever he stepped a foot out of line. In saying this, Harry would much rather be caught by Petunia than his Uncle Vernon. Even the thought of the man made him cringe, his horribly fat features and pig like nose being enough to send his brain into meltdown. Uncle Vernon hated his nephew with every ounce of his being, he saw it his duty to 'fix him'.

Both Harrys Aunt and Uncle disapproved of his being a wizard, attempting to thwart any unusual behavior whilst he was under their supervision...'thwarting' said behavior normally saw Harry with a broken arm and no dinner.

Pulling out a small flashlight from beneath his pillow, Harry attempted to bandage his hand. Vernon had gone a little overboard, crushing his fingers after hearing of his writing to Sirius. Nothing Vernon ever did seem enough to prevent him from writing letters, the ambidextrous boy having one up on his Uncle.

Last night had been particularly horrid, Hedwig having delivered Sirius' latest letter whilst Vernon's cousin was over for dinner. He really ought to teach that owl better timing.

Uncle Vernon seemed more of a threat as of late, perhaps even rivaling lord Voldemort. Nurses at the local hospital were becoming wary of his visits, the boy seeming to visit the emergency department a little too often for their liking. He had only recently been discharged, two of his left ribs being cracked after Vernon had pushed him down the stairs.

The most prominent scar on Harry's body was no longer upon his forehead, the work FREAK being etched into Harrys forearm after last night's debacle. Harry's eyes were slowly filling with tears, realization seeming to finally hit him. He was nothing but a worthless freak, Sirius was never coming to get him. No matter how many times Sirius promised him otherwise, to him, he would forever be a reminder of his dead best friend. If it hadn't been for his likeness to his father, Harry was sure he would have stopped writing by now. Had he known how 'freaky' Harry truly were, he would have never offered him a home in the first place.

Once his friends found out about his home life Harry doubted they would ever want to associate with him again. Dumbledore would be appalled, Hermione would be disappointed, Ron would be ashamed, Remus would be disgusted, Sirius would be... gone. He would rather put up with a million beating than lose his Godfather; he was all Harry had left.

"BOY!" Vernon yelled, heavy feet pounding down the stairs.

Harry cringed a little, realizing that his Uncle still seemed a little pissed off.

"Yes uncle Vernon" he replied meekly

The locks on Harry cupboard began jingling, sunlight slowly streaming into his room.

"It's time for breakfast... if you're not up in fifteen minutes, don't expect there to be any left!"

Harry nodded and began searching for his glasses. In his short life he had learned not to talk back, not to speak unless spoken to. Having an opinion only seemed to get him into trouble... trouble was the last thing he wanted.

Pulling on a clean pair of track pants, he strolled into the kitchen, black hair clouding his vision. It had been a while since Petunia had allowed Harry into the kitchen, her sudden passion for cooking coming as a welcome surprise. Harry had learnt how to cook at 5, been preparing meals for the Dursley's since he was 7.

"Have we learnt our lesson now boy?" Vernon asked.

Harry nodded.

Vernon seemed to ask the same questions over and over, not dissimilar to a broken record._ Had enough yet? Won't happen again now... will it? Have we learnt our lesson?_

Harry sighed and reached for the cereal, doubting he would be able to stomach whatever Petunia was currently preparing. She glared over at harry before returning to her cooking, flipping pancakes and poaching eggs. Dudley didn't know how good he had it, Harry doubted he ever would.

"Oi Freak!" Dudley hissed "Pass me the butter!"

Harry rolled his eyes before passing him the butter, fully aware that Dudley was well within reaching distance himself.

"Thanks cousin, I really appreciate it" Harry mimicked, eyes fixed on his plate.

Vernon glared up at him, resisting the urge to yell. Had the freak lost absolutely every reminisce of graciousness over the school term? Surely he should know better by now.

Harry, realizing his uncle was glaring at him, attempted to avoid eye contact, continuing to stare at his food.

_Slap_

Harry cringed, biting the inside of his lip to avoid crying out. The room fell silent before returning to their meals, Harry's 'punishment' seemed rather mundane in comparison to recent events. The boy could already feel the oncoming of a bruise and wished for nothing more than to return to his cupboard.

"May I be excused?" he murmured.

Vernon nodded.

Harry tucked his chair beneath the kitchen table and placed his bowl in the sink. Though this had been Harry's first meal in almost two days, he didn't seem the slightest bit disappointed to rid of it. He would do absolutely ANYTHING to get away from his relatives.

Back in his room Harry finally thought it time to read Sirius' letter, he hadn't exactly been in the right frame of mind to do so last night.

_Dear Harry,_

_I wish you were here, Remus makes rather good company though he can be a little boring at times. Nobody in their right frame of mind reads as much as he does. I swear he hasn't been without a book all week!_

_Dumbledore is still being an outright prat, claiming that even if I were proven innocent, you still couldn't come live with me. Blood wards or some shit._

_Don't worry though... he'll come around! I'm sorry to hear about your Uncle, I know they give you a hard time at the Dursley's. Petunia wasn't exactly happy to hear about her sister being a witch. Don't worry bud, you'll be out of there soon enough!_

_Until then,_

_Snuffles._

Harry sighed, folding Sirius' letter in half. His godfather didn't know the half of it, didn't know just how badly he had it at the Dursley's. Harry had simply complained about his uncle waking him up at two in the morning, imagine how he would've reacted had Harry told him about the abuse!

He pulled out a blank piece of parchment and began writing his reply, hoping to send it tonight after his relatives were asleep.

_Dear Snuffles,_

_Dudley is being a complete idiot lately... I kid you not! The big oaf really needs to learn some manners! _

_I would much rather be there with you and Remus, even if he can be a total bore._

_I really think you ought to give Dumbledore more credit than you do, he is a far better man than you seem to realize._

_I don't know if I will be able to write quite as often as usual... Vernon is getting a little upset by all the owls._

_If you ask me, the sooner you get me out of here the better!_

_Your Godson,_

_Harry Potter_

Reading the letter twice over, he collapsed onto his bed, almost smacking his head on the roof. Harry's things were packed in the corner, not even his wand having been used since he left Hogwarts. Hedwig was still out hunting and Harry doubted she'd be back until this afternoon. Vernon would have left for work by then, much to Harry's delight.

Realizing he had little else to do, Harry again reached for his quill. He might as well write a letter to Ron and Hermione, it had almost been a week since they had left Hogwarts.

_Dear Ron,_

_I hope your holidays have been better than mine; my relatives are still acting like total nutcases and won't let me visit this summer. _

_Luckily the bars have been taken off of my windows and the locks off my door. To say that fred and George scared them would probably be an understatement._

_My uncle is still a little sour about my blowing up his sister... I guess that was bound to happen though right?_

_See you after the break._

_Harry_

He sighed, slipping the note into a clean envelope. He hated lying to his mates, it seemed the worst feeling. Ron had always been easy to fool; he doubted Hermione would be so easily tricked. She had begun piecing facts together, not yet being able to place exactly how Harry was being hurt. Child abuse was almost unheard of in the wizarding world, it was only natural for her to assume it were death eaters or dark wizards.

_Dear Hermione,_

_I'm sorry I didn't write sooner but Vernon is worried about the neighbors seeing Hedwig. Heaven forbid should anyone suspect them of owning a pet!_

_I don't think I'll be allowed to stay at Ron's this summer, Dumbledore is more up tight than usual... My relatives aren't really too keen on the idea either. _

_I guess I won't be able to see you guys until the train... being the boy who lives sucks sometimes._

_Most of the time._

_I hope you have a good holidays._

_Your friend,_

_Harry Potter._

**Please read and review... it would really make my day  
>*smiles sweetly*<br>new chapter will be up soon XD **


	2. Potions Homework

It was almost three o'clock in the morning and the Lupin household seemed all but dead to the world. Sirius wasn't exactly the kind of person who took kindly to being woken so early in the morning. Under usual circumstances he would have simply gone back to sleep, Sirius knew better than to think a tapping sound at his window was means to leave his bed. Hedwig stood on the windowsill pecking the glass, begging to be let inside. It was not unusual for the owl to arrive so early in the morning, Harry obviously having sent her before he went to bed.

"Hey pretty birdie" he cooed, voice overly raspy due to sleep desperation.

Pulling himself from beneath the covers, Sirius trotted towards the window and opened it, allowing a gust of cool wind inside the room. He untied the letters from Hedwig's leg, realizing only two were intended for this household. Reattaching Hermione and Ron's letters, he sent Hedwig back into the night, simply happy that Harry had been corresponding with people other than himself and Remus.

_Dear Snuffles,_

_Dudley is being a complete idiot lately... I kid you not! The big oaf really needs to learn some manners!_

_**HA! **_Sirius thought _**It's not as if Petunia can teach him any... she has none!**_

_I would much rather be there with you and Remus, even if he can be a total bore._

_I really think you ought to give Dumbledore more credit than you do, he is a far better man than you seem to realize._

_**Better man my ass!**_

_I don't know if I will be able to write quite as often as usual... Vernon is getting a little upset by all the owls._

_**Dipshit**_

_If you ask me, the sooner you get me out of here the better!_

_**Couldn't have put it better myself!**_

_Your Godson,_

_Harry Potter_

Sirius sighed, placing Harry's newest letter atop a pile of his old ones. He felt a little guilty about leaving Harry alone with the Dursley's, he knew how extraordinarily intolerable Petunia could be at times. If all Harry had to complain about was his being woken up at two in the morning, his life couldn't really be all that bad. In the end, so long as Harry was safe and happy, that was all that mattered.

He held Harry's letter to Remus between his fingers, resisting the urge to open it. He had never before considered reading Remus' mail... it wasn't as if he received anything all that interesting. Rules regarding morals seemed to change when it came to his godson, so long as if it was in Harry's best interest, morals could go to hell!

He had always wondered whether Harry had actually wanted to come live with him or simply felt obligated to. What type of kid agrees to living with an adult they hardly knew?

He stared at the letter once more, what if had they been talking about him?

Sirius paced the room for a moment, contemplating the pros and cons to reading Remus' mail. Remus may never speak to him again... but he honestly couldn't resist. It wasn't as if he and Harry were any good at keeping secrets anyhow, he would've found out regardless.

_Dear Remus,_

_From what I can tell Sirius is acting like his normal self, as annoying as that may be for you._

_**I am NOT annoying!**_

_I hope the full moon went well, i couldn't help but think of you when I saw it last week. I miss you and Sirius so badly, do you think you could drop a hint for me? I know he says he's trying his hardest to gain custody of me but... is he really?_

Sirius blinked, not really sure how to respond to the situation. Of course he had been trying his hardest, the thought of raising Harry was the only thing that kept him sane. Sirius knew how much Harry wanted to live with he and Remus, how could he deny him this?

_Professor Snape has set us an unbelievably ridiculous potions assignment and I have absolutely no idea when I'll find time to do it. If only you were still at Hogwarts, at least then you could help me evade punishment._

_Wishful thinking? _

_Thought so!_

_I hope to see you at some point during the school term._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Harry._

Sirius cleared his throat before making his way downstairs. He placed Remus' letter on the dining room table, planning on telling Remus Harry had sent it without an envelope. He missed Harry more than anything, if he hadn't been dedicated to 'saving' him before... he was now!

oOo

Vernon Dursley had his nephew by the throat, forcing him up against the wall. The little freak had been sending owls to his friends, he was sure of it!

Harry was gasping for air, clawing mercifully at his Uncles hand. A fist collided with his face, causing Harry to bite down on his lip. The taste of blood filled his mouth, the boy's eye already beginning to swell. Another blow hit Harry in the jaw, his teeth chattering upon impact.

Nothing was easy in this house, not so long as Harry lived within it. Nothing was ever easy where Harry was involved.

Vernon dropped the boy to the ground, kicking him once for good measure.

Harry felt the air rush from his lungs, heard the sickening crack of his head colliding with the kitchen tiles. He wiped stray blood from his lips before stumbling to his feet, simply watching as his uncle turn and leave, a scowl cemented on his face. He felt a little relived, knowing that Vernon was unlikely to bother him for the rest of the day.

He made his way back to the closet, closing the door softly behind him. The room was dimly lit by a bedside lamp, his school books now littering the floor. It was obvious that Vernon had come in search of his wand, not that he would have the slightest idea where to find it. If nothing else, magical trunks were good for hiding things.

Pulling his potions textbook from the pile of papers, he began searching his room for a quill. Harry had never been so grateful for Professor Snape's exceedingly high expectations. Any excuse to take his mind off the pain came as a blessing.

Though his left hand was still bruised and swollen, his right was perfectly fine. His handwriting was perhaps a little sloppier than usual, a headache preventing him from properly applying himself. Perhaps Harry would have been more inclined to finish his homework had his teacher not been a complete idiot.

After growing tired of his potions homework, Harry lay dopily on his bed. Vernon had left for work about an hour after locking Harry in his room, the boy had been told to stay put for the remainder of the day. He had, on several occasions, considered practicing some charms. Knowing that the ministry would undoubtedly expel him from Hogwarts, he decided against it.

His thoughts began drifting back to his friends back at Hogwarts. He wished he could've stayed with Hargid, if only his hut were big enough for two. Harry's headache was growing worse, his black eye becoming more painful as the hours passed. Keeping his mind busy seemed to be an almost impossible feat, if only he had something to pass the time.

Bruised and batted, Harry opted to sleep. Nightmares seemed to be the least of his problems as of late. So long as Vernon wasn't around to hear him scream, slumber would provide a welcome escape from this hell.


	3. Porch Lights and Letters

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Harry sat outside, the sun beating down on his neck. Sitting on the back porch at Pivot Drive always seemed to calm his nerves; it was the only place he seemed to think clearly. Though it was hot out, Harry felt more comfortable outside... away from the Dursley's.

Dudley was somewhere inside, watching television. Harry had absolutely no idea what his cousin would do without electricity, god forbid should he have to spend a night in the Hogwarts castle.

Dudley had always been a little jealous of his cousin, what 11 year old boy didn't want to have magical powers? Even now, at 14 years old, he would have given anything to be exactly like Harry.

Ironically enough, Harry would have given anything to be exactly like Dudley, to have a family that actually cared about him. When Harry was younger he used to imagine being taken away by someone who loved him. Sometimes it was his dear old grandfather, his adventurous second cousin, his motherly great Aunt... it was a shame none of them existed.

At times like these Harry tried not to dwell on what was wrong with his life, he simply pretended things were different. Since finding out about his godfather, the porch had become a place where Harry thought about his living with Sirius. Nothing seemed more appealing.

Harry would imagine Sirius and Remus sneaking through the back door at three in the morning, stealing him away in the middle of the night. Harry would imagine the angered face of his uncle when he came downstairs to find Harry missing.

Harry knew this was merely wishful thinking, that no matter how much he wished it were true, wishing doesn't make it so.

The boy jumped a little when he heard the slam of Vernon's car door. The man seemed a little more angered than usual. Harry turned his head slightly, barely able to see his uncle walking through the front door. Harry knew he hadn't done anything out of the ordinary today and hence was not overly frightened by his Uncles arrival.

Harry heard Dudley speaking to his father in the front room, the boy no doubt feeding lies to his dad. Harry sighed a little, realizing that he would probably get a beating tonight regardless of his good behavior. Some part of him wished he could act out, stand up to his Uncle. It wasn't as if things could get any worse.

Deep down in his heart Harry knew that he would never be able to defy his relatives, he yearned for their approval more than he would ever realize.

"POTTER!" he heard his uncle screech, the red faced man storming outside to meet his nephew.

Harry looked up at him, daring not meet his eyes.

"I hear you've been threatening my son with MAGIC!" he spat.

Harry gulped audibly, shaking his head at his uncle.

"I swear I didn't" he pleaded "I swear I haven't been near Dudley all day!"

Vernon raised his hand at the boy, slapping him across the face

"Don't lie to me boy!" he squealed.

Harry again shook his head, knowing it would do little good in the long run.

"Don't test me!" Vernon threatened, glaring down at his nephew.

Harry opened his mouth as if to speak, changing his mind at the last moment.

"I'm – I'm sorry Uncle" he muttered, staring down at the floor.

Harry found himself being dragged up by his collar, his uncle's grip tight of the back of his shirt. He soon found himself being thrown under the stairs, Harry simply glad that his uncle hadn't taken to hitting him a little more.

"Don't expect me to feed you tonight!" he spat... staring down at the boy.

"That'll teach you to lie to me!"

Harry nodded solemnly, tears threatening to fall.

"And don't expect to get away so easily!" he croaked "I'm not finished with you just yet!"

Vernon slammed the door shut, locking his nephew inside the cupboard.

Harry huffed and collapsed on his bed, hoping beyond hell that Vernon would simply forget about him. It had truly been stupid of him to think that Dudley would give up an opportunity to torment his cousin. Just as it had been stupid of him to think that Sirius actually cared. Nobody cared about him, not even his friends had cared enough to reply to his letters. Hedwig had returned empty handed this afternoon, not a single one of his friends taking the time to write him back. Harry hoped they had simply been tired, that he wasn't really the 'freaky' kid that deserved to be beaten. As a young child harry had believed every word that came out of his uncles mouth, he believed that he were truly a no good waste of space. After meeting Hermione and Ron, Harry had begun to think a little more highly of himself. Nobody in the wizarding world thought him a waste of space, nor did they see him as a freeloading freak.

These past two weeks seemed to have reverted Harry to his former state of mind, the seven year old boy within him returning. Nobody at his Muggle school seemed to have cared that Harry arrived with a new bruise each day, not even his teachers had thought to question it. He boy must simply be clumsy.

At least in the wizarding world he could reason that it was merely uncommon, that it was unlikely for them to even suspect such a thing. He would sometimes notice Snape staring at him oddly after break, when he had a particularly nasty bruise or cut on his face. Besides that everyone seemed to accept that 'the boy who lived' were simply a klutz.

Trapped beneath his closet Harry felt as if he were truly seven years old again, simply wishing that somebody would come and save him. The only thing that seemed to calm him in a situation like this was magic, magic cured everything. If only he were back at Hogwarts, if only he were old enough to do magic outside of school. 14 years old... only 3 more years of this hell.

oOo

Harry hadn't been aware he had fallen asleep until he woke. The clinking of metal locks had roused him from his sleep.

Uncle Vernon stood blocking the door, his towing figure sending chills down Harry's spine. For a moment he considered apologizing... but he realized it would do little good.

Harry was dragged out of bed and shoved against the wall, his Uncles fist colliding with his face. Harry suppressed his screams, knowing it would bring his Uncle pleasure to hear him cry out.

Again and again he was thrust against the wall, head colliding with a low beam. Harry couldn't hold back any more, crying out in agony.

"WHAT WAS THAT BOY?" Vernon hissed, menacingly breathing down his nephew's neck.

"I'm sorry!" Harry sobbed "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Vernon pushed the boy to the floor, standing over him as he shriveled up into the fetal position. The boys hands covered his head, attempting to shield himself from his uncle.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he wailed

Vernon smiled sickly, crooked teeth within plain view.

"That's what I thought you said."

The man stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Harry dare not move from his position, too afraid to even look up.

Once Harry heard the last of the Dursley's climbing the stairs, he slowly uncurled himself. Every inch of his body achhed. His back throbbed, his jaw hurt, his ribs pounded.

Realizing that his uncle hadn't locked the door, Harry ventured out from beneath the stairs, making his way out to the back porch. A small owl sat perched on the railing, Remus' owl. Two neatly packaged letters were tied to her leg, Harry grabbed at them longingly. Lupin and Sirius seemed to have a way of cheering him up. Even in the darkest of times.

He had absolutely no idea which letter belonged to whom, simply deciding to rip the larger envelope open first.

_Dearest Harry._

_I'm glad to hear that you are doing your homework, regardless of whether I have set it or not!_

_I can assure you that your godfather is doing everything within his power to gain custody of you, searching for that rat with every ounce of spare time he has. It seems as if he has a fair amount of that lately... after all, he seemed to find time to search my mail._

_You are beginning to worry us a little Harry, Sirius especially. He seems to think that you are hiding something from us. How he can tell that through a letter is beyond me._

_If anything is troubling you, please do not be a stranger._

_Yours truly,_

_Remus Lupin_

Harry cringed a little, unsure as to how exactly Sirius could tell he was hiding something. Perhaps he had said something wrong. Surely he didn't know what was going on!

Quickly ripping open the second letter, Harry rushed to read it.

_Dear Harry,_

_Remus is pissed at me, apparently it is 'wrong' to go through other people's mail... forgive me for being curious!_

_As you have probably figured, I read your letter to Remus. I am more than a little worried about you bud. I promise you, swear on my life, that I am doing my best to bring you home! _

_Remus says I need to apologize to you sooo... sorry! I just wanted to know if you had said anything about me. I figured that maybe you didn't want to live with me or something. I mean, I don't want you to feel as if you have to._

_Don't get me wrong, I want you to stay here more than I want James and Lily back... I just find it strange that you would want the same thing. I guess that's just my being paranoid though right?_

_In lighter news, Remus is taking a trip to London... I was thinking we might swan past and take you shopping. Seeming as you won't be staying with the Weasleys this summer, how else do you expect to get your school books?_

_I don't know the exact date but I will be there sometime in the next few days, best you warn your relatives._

_See you soon Bud,_

_Snuffles!_

Harry's mouth was agape, unsure as to how to react to this situation. Sirius couldn't see him like this! A few days was hardly enough time for these bruises to heal. Harry began panicking, realizing just how mad the Dursley's would be at him.

He ran back to his closet, searching the room for his quill and parchment.

_Dear Snuffles,_

_Now's not really a good time to visit. I'll probably just go shopping by myself if that's ok._

_Please don't worry about me, I'm fine,_

_Harry._

Harry quickly folded the letter and tied it to the leg of Remus' owl. He shooed the bird before returning inside, heart pounding out of his chest. Sirius couldn't know, he would never think of him the same way. He would never want Harry after he saw him like this, NEVER!

Pulling the covers over his head, Harry attempted to fall asleep, one too many thoughts bouncing around his head. Everything was going to be fine, Sirius WASN'T going to find out, Harry wouldn't let him.

**Thank you so much for the reviews!**

**They are greatly appreciated.**

**I shall try have another chapter up by tomorrow XD**

**For those of you who also happen to be reading my other story: The Ressurection. DO NOT FRET. I haven't given it up, nor have i 'taken a brake'. I am a rather good multitasking... I am quite capable of writing two stories at once! Or three or four at that. I will still have a chapter up every few days! (for both stories!)**

**R&R**

**XD **


	4. Cupboards

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

_Dear Snuffles,_

_Now's not really a good time to visit. I'll probably just go shopping by myself if that's ok._

_Please don't worry about me, I'm fine,_

_Harry._

Sirius couldn't help but feel as if something was amiss; firstly, Harry's handwriting was never this rushed. Secondly, this was the shortest letter he had ever sent either of them. Thirdly, he hadn't replied to Remus' letter.

He glanced over at the clock... it was 2 in the morning. Harry had most probably sent the letter sometime around midnight. What was he doing up so late?

Sirius was known to overreact when it came to his godson, Remus had commented on it many a time. Surely he wasn't overreacting this time; surely his intuition wasn't failing him.

His first thought was to go and see Harry, to rock up at his house in the early hours of the morning. Rash decisions had gotten Sirius in trouble before; Lily and James were the perfect example of this. Maybe he should wake Remus, Remus always knew what to do.

He tiptoed down the hall, knocking lightly on the wolf's door. Remus had always been a light sleeper, Sirius was sure this would be enough to wake him.

The door was slightly ajar, Sirius having absolutely no trouble hearing Remus' murmuring.

"go 'way you big twat!"

Remus had never been a morning person.

"Moon, I think you're gonna want to hear this!" He said, sitting on the edge of his friend's bed.

Remus mumbled something incomprehensible before pulling himself up into a sitting position. Stretching out his arms, he narrowly missed hitting Sirius in the face. Under normal circumstances, Sirius would've gone off his nutter... now was hardly the time.

"Harry sent me this." He said, passing the letter to Remus.

Moony rubbed the sleep from his eyes, squinting at the paper. Everything fell silent whilst Remus read.

"It's awfully short." He stated, "What did you do?"

Sirius scoffed, of course he would jump to that conclusion.

"I didn't do anything I swear, and plus, you were the one who didn't get a letter! Maybe I should be asking you the same thing."

Remus looked questionably towards his friend, what in the world was going on?

"His writing is awfully jumbled." He said, finally noticing how messily the response had been written.

Remus had marked enough of Harry's essays to know that this was far from his normal writing style. Harry had been in a terrible rush.

"What do you think we should do?" Sirius asked, obviously distressed by the matter.

Remus was unsure as to how to answer Sirius' question, knowing the man wanted to storm Harry's house as soon as possible. Remus too was worried for the boy, unsure whether this was good enough reason to rock up at the boy's house.

"Let's go." He stated, knowing Sirius would clue on to what he was inferring.

The black haired man jumped up from where he was seated, quickly changing into a pair of his wizard robes. It was unlikely he would be spotted so early in the morning, the dark hiding his features perfectly. Usually, Remus would request Sirius stay behind... but he was simply not in the mood for arguing.

The two men left the house in a hurry, mounting their brooms as they did. Harry's house was protected by wards that prevented them from appairating. Remus would simply have to deal with his fear of heights. Truthfully, he doubted it would prove a problem in this particular situation.

Neither man was exactly sure what had driven them to such extreme measures, Harry seemed to drive them to do crazy things. He had even silenced Sirius, something Remus had never even been able to do.

Landing on Harry's front lawn, both men drew their wands. It took everything Remus had to prevent Sirius from barging through the door. The last thing Harry needed was his godfather breaking into his house. It was bad enough they had arrived here so early. It was barely 3:30.

_Knock, Knock, Knock._

Both men waited at the front door, watching as the front light flicked on. Remus was able to manage a smile, Sirius simply scalded.

Vernon Dursley was less than impressed, having being dragged out of bed at such an unreasonable hour. Peeking through the peep hole, Vernon saw two cloaked figures standing on his porch. The taller man smiled warmly at him, the shorter looked as if he were returning from a funeral.

The man considered returning to bed, leaving the 'freaks' out in the cold. He was almost certain they were here about the boy; perhaps they were here to expel him. Vernon smirked, thinking about how miserable his nephew would be should he be expelled from Hogwarts.

He unlocked the door and ushered the men inside, not wanting the neighbors to see these mysterious men on his property. Thankfully they seemed to be in a rush, perhaps they wouldn't be staying long.

"WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU LOT THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Vernon screamed "IT'S FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE BLOODY MORNING!"

Sirius scowled at the man, appalled by his unwelcoming nature. Remus squeezed his shoulder, as if begging him to keep his cool. Sirius sighed, looking Vernon Dursley straight on.

"Where's Harry?" he hissed, speaking though clenched teeth.

The man shrugged, "I don't see how that's any of your business"

Remus clenched his fists, realizing that getting a straight answer from the man may prove problematic.

"Nice to meet you too," Sirius scoffed "My name's Sirius black... and I'm here to see my godson."

Sirius held out his hand.

Harry was awoken by screaming, his body immediately stiffening. He was scared shitless, knowing that Vernon would soon be coming in search of him. What had he done now?

Moving closer to the door, Harry placed his face to the wood, peering through the crack. Two cloaked figures stood before him, their faces facing away from him. What in the world was going on?

"You have GOT to be KIDDING ME!" Vernon screeched "All we need is a group of bloody wizards gallivanting around the neighborhood... as if adopting the FREAK wasn't bad enough!

Harry cringed at the word, scooting away from the door. What in the world were they talking about?

"Either you tell us where Harry is, or we tear the house apart trying to find him!"

Harry froze, that voice sounded familiar. Too familiar for his liking.

What was professor Lupin doing in his house?

Vernon cleared his thought before beginning to climb the stairs.

"Go your hardest"

A flash of red light lit the room, a large thump echoing down the stairs... had his defense against the dark arts teacher just stunned his uncle?

"Sirius, what the hell?"

Oh god.

Sirius turned towards Remus, not looking the slightest bit guilty about his actions.

"Oh shut up Remus, you know he deserved it!"

Moony shook his head "we've barely been here two minutes and already you've stunned someone!"

Harry managed to squeeze himself into the corner, what in the hell were Sirius and Remus doing here? He was going to be in SO much trouble once they left. Vernon would rip him limb from limb, Sirius and Remus would never speak to him again, his life was all but over!

The pair looked at one another before making their way up the stairs. They were making quite a racket, not really caring about who they woke in the process. The first bedroom they entered smelled of stale biscuits, a rather large boy sound asleep in his bed. For a moment Sirius had mistaken the boy for Harry, Dudleys room being decorated in much the same way he expected Harry's to be. Petunia was awake though Sirius ensured that she be put back to sleep sooner than she'd expected.

Opening the last door on the top story, Remus realized they were out of options. The last room, being filled with broken toys, unwanted items and spare stationary, was obviously without Harry. Remus assumed that the room had once been the boys, Quidditch posters and magical sketches hanging from the wall. Remus, being a werewolf, had a better sense of smell than most people, perhaps the most unnerving thing about this particular room being the unmistakable smell of blood lacing the walls and carpet.

"Sirius," he whispered "Something is wrong... I can smell it!"

Sirius looked up at him, a little confused.

"Blood," he said "I can smell blood!"

Sirius' heart began beating out of his chest, adrenalin running through his veins. What if Harry had been taken by death eaters, what if he was too late?

The pair ran down the stairs, tearing the house apart. The men tipped chairs and looked under benches, seeming to have searched every square inch of the house. The men had all but given up when Sirius noticed a small cupboard beneath the stairs, the doorway barely big enough for a house elf.

"Surely not!" he muttered, slowly walking towards the cupboard.

The door was riddled with locks, heavy duty ones at that. Sirius noticed that none were locked, the door opening willingly.

The room was dark and musky, the only light coming from the hallway. A shadowy figure sat huddled in the corner, legs pressed to his chest. If Sirius hadn't been sure Harry lived here, he doubted he would've recognized the boy. A tear stained face met his own, Harry unable to make eye contact with him.

Sirius' heart seemed to leap from his chest, nothing in the world seemed to matter anymore. Harry was HURTING and Sirius could do nothing to help him, he had done nothing to help him. He should have known better, all the signs were there! He should have been more surprised when Fred and George had mentioned he'd been kept in a barred room, been more suspicious of Harrys scars.

"Bud," he whispered "co-come here"

Sirius' voice was shaky, a feeble attempt to hide his despair. Realizing that Harry was unwilling to move, he slowly edged towards him.

Wanting to better assess the damage, Sirius moved to wipe a stray hair from Harry's face.

The boy flinched.

Sirius' eyes widened in horror, Harry had thought he was going to hit him.! Tears welled up in Sirius' eyes as he blinked rapidly to rid of them. He no longer trusted himself to speak, afraid that if he did, he'd lose it completely. Part of him wanted to draw Harry close, comfort him and tell him everything was going to be ok. An equally large proportion of him wanted to hunt Vernon down and torture him slowly. The Dursley's deserved nothing short of death, in fact, they deserved a slow and agonizingly painful death.

The room darkened, Sirius turned to see Remus standing in the doorway. His friends face was absolutely distraught, somewhere between a murderous rage and great desolation.

"Ha-Harry?" he asked.

The boy shook his head.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, looking down at his feet.

Sirius inhaled sharply, lightly bringing his hand to the boys chin. Slowly he brought the boy's face to meet his own, Harrys green eyes having been stripped of any hope, any happiness.

"No Harry," he said "I'm sorry, so very, very sorry. I should have realized"

Harry looked emotionless, not a single tear present in his eyes. Sirius and Remus hated him, he was sure of it. His life was over, or as good as.

"I'm sorry" he repeated, looking up at Remus.

The werewolf bent down beside Sirius, not that there was all that much room in the first place.

"You have nothing to apologize for Harry, absolutely nothing!" Remus stood up once more.

"Come now," he said "Let's get you packed."

Harry blinked back tears, what in the world was Remus talking about?

Both Sirius and Remus began placing Harrys things into his trunk, not that there was much to pack. Harry stayed seated, frozen to the spot. Was this some kind of cruel joke? Could they really be so horrid as to get his hopes up?

"Please," he begged "Just leave!"

Sirius turned to see his godson in tears. He slowly made his way towards the boy, making certain not to move to quickly or harshly.

"We'd thought you'd have been thrilled to leave this place!"

Harry shut his eyes and clenched his fists. Why were they doing this to him?

Remus walked over to where the boy was seated. He pulled Harry into a standing position and hugged him. He hated the fact that he stiffened, hated what these people had put him through. He squeezed Harry tightly before letting him go, turning as to leave the room. Harry watched as his DADA teacher walked into the hall, listened as he began climbing the stairs.

"Oh shit!" Sirius mumbled, finally realizing what Remus was doing.

Vernon Dursley was beginning to come around, his head still groggy from being hit by the spell.

"YOU NO GOOD SON OF A BITCH!" Remus yelled.

Harry and Sirius appeared at the bottom of the stairs, watching as Remus turned his wand on the man.

"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HARRY! HOW DARE YOU HURT JAMES' SON!"

Vernon looked down at the boy, realizing that Sirius now held him within his grasp.

"Go on then," Vernon spat "take him, see if I care... seems fitting that he be raised by a couple of magical poofters!"

Remus' clenched his jaw.

"Firstly," he spat "Sirius and I aren't gay... even if we were, I don't see why it would matter!"

Vernon smirked

""You are pathetic." Remus said, his feigned calmness sending chills down the spine of those within the room.

"You are a pathetic, no good, excuse for a man. I actually feel sorry for you!" Remus laughed "If you are actually so stupid as to think that poking fun at others makes you more of a man!"

"If you ever so much as lay a hand on a child again," Remus threatened "Mark my words, I will hunt you down and make you live to regret the day you were born."

Remus turned to leave... stopping dead in his tracks. Remus turned and punched Vernon in the face, a sickening crack being carried though the house.

"I don't need magic to make your life a living hell!" He spat.

Remus skulked down the stairs, robe billowing threateningly behind him. He took one look at Harry and realized it had been the right thing to do. How such a man could be entrusted with a child was beyond him.

"Come on Harry," Sirius said "let's go home!"

**Hey guys, Please read and review =)  
>it would really make my day.<strong>

**New chapter up soon XD**


	5. Never Coming Back

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

_"I don't need magic to make your life a living hell!" He spat._

_Remus skulked down the stairs, robe billowing threateningly behind him. He took one look at Harry and realized it had been the right thing to do. How such a man could be entrusted with a child was beyond him._

_"Come on Harry," Sirius said "let's go home!"_

Harry shook his head, eyes slowly moving to meet his godfathers.

"He's going to be so mad." He wailed

Sirius furrowed his brow, turning the boy's body so that his face met his own.

"Don't worry bud," he assured "You're never coming back here!"

Harry shook free of his godfathers grip, ignoring the pain that racked his body. Sirius didn't understand... nobody else wanted him; he had nowhere else to go. Sirius and Remus would eventually grow sick of him, nothing was permanent. Dumbledore would never allow him to live there anyhow; there must be a reason behind his placement with the Dursley's. He just had to outlast the summer, making Vernon mad would do him no good!

"LET GO OF ME!" he screamed "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I'M GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE"

Harry began to cry, his body falling pathetically towards the floor. Sirius moved to catch him, Harry wriggling free of his grasp. The boy flung himself towards the ground, a loud thump accompanying his fall.

"Harry," Sirius begged "Please listen to me!"

Harry clamped his eyes shut, burying his hands in his face.

"You're never coming back here," he promised "never!"

Harry shook his head in disbelief. Sirius didn't UNDERSTAND! Why couldn't he just leave? Why did he have to keep pushing, keep Harry hoping? Why couldn't Sirius accept Harry as the lost cause he was, cut all ties while he still had the chance?

"Please Sirius, Just leave!"

Sirius bent down beside his godson, wrapping his hands around his sobbing frame.

"I'm not leaving without you; I'll never leave without you!"

Harry willed away the tears, realizing that his godfather wasn't about to give up. Harry had to make him leave, he just had to!

"What exactly do you want from me Sirius," he croaked, voice cracking in pain "You can't honestly expect me to just pack up and leave?"

Sirius frowned

"You can't just barge into people's houses and start bashing people up!" He continued

Sirius let out an unenthused chuckle, more due to the awkwardness of the situation than anything else.

"They're hurting you Harry, you couldn't just expect us to stand by and let them!"

Harry began to laugh manically, his distressed chuckles filling the ears of all those within the room.

"That is NONE of your business!" he spat

Sirius took the boy by the shoulder, attempting to comfort his godson. Harry was growing unreasonable, swatting Sirius' hand away.

"You're my godson Harry... that makes it my business."

Harry began to cry again, his hands forming tight fists.

"Then WHERE were you Sirius, WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?"

Sirius cringed, Harry obviously having hit a nerve.

"Where were you when they locked me in my cupboard without food? Where were you when they left me at the park? Where were you when I passed out at school? Where were you when he hit me with his belt HUH? Where were you then?"

Remus shook his head "Harry STOP, that's enough!"

Harry punched a hole in the nearest wall, angry at the world. Who the hell did Sirius and Remus they think they were? How DARE they pretend to care, how dare they act as if they wanted him! Nobody wanted him... nobody! He was destined to be alone!

Sirius was at a loss for words, he had absolutely no idea what to say. He hadn't been there for Harry, it was true. That didn't mean he didn't care.

"You know I would have been there if I could bud! I wish I could have been there!"

Harry shook his head once more, not believing a single word that came from his godfather's mouth.

"There was not a day that went by that I didn't think about you Harry! You were the only thing that kept me from going insane! You were the only reason I chose to fight... I was always there bud... you just didn't know it!"

Harry wiped the tears from his face.

"I swear I'll spent the rest of my life trying to make it up to you," he said "Let's just get out of here ok?"

Harry nodded meekly, realizing there was little use in fighting. At least if he left with Sirius and Remus, he could prolong the beating a little longer.

Sirius smiled halfheartedly, leading his godson towards the front door. It took all he had not to turn and curse the Dursley's into oblivion. They deserved it, they deserved everything they had coming to them! Sirius wasn't going to let them get off that easily, just they wait until he got Harry home!

oOo

Harry hadn't spoken a word the entire trip back to Grimmauld place, no matter how much he had wanted to. Some part of him wanted to apologize for his actions... he had acted like a child.

Sirius showed him around the new house, asking him if he was hungry or tired. Harry refused to answer, too afraid that if he did... they would send him back to the Dursley's.

"Come on kiddo," Sirius pleaded "Just say something!"

Harry blinked back tears "I'm sorry for yelling at you."

Sirius shook his head, placing his hand on the child's shoulder.

"Don't worry about it," he said "I should have been there for you."

All was silent again.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders, indicating that the conversation was over. Perhaps he would bring it up later, when the wounds weren't so fresh.

Leading Harry into the kitchen, Sirius realized that he hadn't shown Harry his room, both he and Remus had been doing one up for him over the summer. They had hoped to bring Harry back here after taking him shopping, proving their dedication to their adopting him. Sirius hoped that Harry wouldn't take it the wrong way.

Remus began boiling the kettle, offering a range of drinks and biscuits to Harry and Sirius. Harry would shake his head politely, still refusing to verbally answer Remus' questions. The man doubted he would feel up to talking quite yet, perhaps he might feel better tomorrow.

Harry was wallowing in self-pity, imagining how much trouble he would be in once Remus and Sirius sent him home. They seemed rather fond of him now; just they wait until they realize how 'freaky' he was. He would be kicked out in an instance, set on the street without so much as a second glance. Remus and Sirius may think they cared for him... but Harry new better.

Everyone who cared about him was bound to leave at some point... nobody ever stuck around long enough to save him. Hedwig was perhaps the only one he could rely on, the only living being who would stand by him no matter the circumstances.

"Harry?"

The boy looked up, not really sure who had called his name in the first place.

Remus was looking pitifully towards him, inclining Harry to believe it had been him.

"I really think you ought to eat something!' he said "you're all skin and bones!"

Harry shrugged.

"Please cub, for me?"

Remus' eyes were wide and caring, Harry having been drawn to them instantly. At this moment, he really did have Harry's best interest at heart. Harry had seen this same look on many occasions, the first and most prominent time being in his dreams. Harry dreamt of his parents often, it brought him comfort.

"m'kay" he muttered, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke.

Sirius sighed in relief, glad that Remus had finally been able to persuade the boy to eat something.

Remus went to pass Harry the tray of biscuits, successfully making the boy cringe in fear. To normal people, it looked as if Remus had simply been offering him a treat. To Harry, it looked as if Remus were about to attack him.

"Oh Harry," he sighed, placing the tray in front of the boy.

Sirius looked right about ready to punch something, so unbelievably frustrated with Harry's relatives. Remus would NEVER lay a hand on another human being; Sirius doubted he would harm a fly. As a young boy he had cried all night after having almost stunned James in his second year... there was absolutely no way he would EVER hurt his son!

"I would never," he choked, looking down at Harry apologetically "I would never, ever hurt you like that Harry! Sirius and I would rather die than hurt you!"

Harry shrugged his shoulders.

"No Harry, listen."

Harry looked up.

"You have to believe me!"

The boy nodded hesitantly before reaching for a biscuit.

Both men were simply overjoyed by Harry's eating, not wanting to spoil the moment by pushing the subject further. They ate in silence, Sirius demolishing anything that found its way onto his plate. Though the silence was far from awkward, the men realized that Harry was in a far worse state than they expected, perhaps it would take a little longer for him to recover than they had hoped. Both Remus and Sirius looked at one another as they ate; their thoughts centered around the same general idea.

_They had to help Harry._

**Thank you all for your kind reviews, you guys really made my day =D **

**Read & Review XD**


	6. Midnight Strolls

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Harry didn't want to fall asleep, simply overjoyed by the fact he actually had a room of his own. Sirius and Remus had been doing it up over the holidays... hoping that their efforts would bring them one step closer to adopting Harry. The boy's heart had swelled when they had shown it to him; no one had cared that deeply for him in a long time.

Nightmares were no stranger to the boy, his dreams being riddled by faces from his past. He hated not being in control, hated that he was often woken by his own screams. Harry too had been awoken by his Uncles fists on several occasions, the man growing tired of his nephew's cries. Would Remus and Sirius be mad at him for waking them?

Deciding it would be best to stay awake, Harry got up from his bed. He really had no idea where he was headed but figured anywhere was better than his bedroom. Harry hated bedrooms, hated that you could be locked inside of them.

The young boy wandered down to the living room, a fire still burning in the fireplace. It was strange, Vernon had never left a fire alight before... perhaps wizards were less cautious. He slowly began walking towards the chimney, peering deep into the fiery red embers.

"What are you doing up so late?"

Harry jumped, utterly petrified. His thoughts brought him back to the last time he had been caught out of bed late. Harry still had the scars to remind him... Uncle Vernon had been drunk that night.

_Harry had been dying of thirst, his uncle not having fed him all day. He could deal with a dry mouth, it was the dizziness that scared him. Harry quickly checked that the door was unlocked before peeking his head out to check the hallway. Everything was dark, everyone was in bed._

_Harry tiptoed out from beneath the stairs, fumbling blindly out of the doorway. He couldn't risk turning a light on, he would have to maneuver the halls blindly. The boy had made this trip on more than one occasion, most of them being after nightfall. _

_Harry walked over to the sink, turning the tap on. He placed his mouth beneath the nozzle, scared that using a cup might alert Vernon of his nighttime ventures. The water was crisp and pure, so wholeheartedly consuming that it took the boy by surprise. He hadn't realized how thirsty he was._

_Turning the tap off, Harry made his way back to the cupboard... unintentionally knocking some loose cutlery off of the kitchen counter._

_Oh shit._

_Harry fumbled to pick up the forks, Vernon's heavy footsteps making their way down the stairs. He started to panic, his hands barely visible in the dark of the kitchen. Accidently pricking himself with the fork, blood flowed freely from the wound on his finger._

_Oh shit._

_Vernon flicked the light switch, looking down at the hungry boy on the floor. Had his nephew honestly expected to get away with this?_

"_Out for a midnight stroll are we?" Vernon sneered._

_Harry shook his head innocently, face already cringing in anticipation._

"_I ne-needed a dr-dr-drink of water."_

_Vernon huffed, pulling the frail boy off of the ground._

"_Don't play games with me boy!" he threatened, twisting his nephews arm awkwardly._

_Harry whimpered._

_The man let go, pushing his nephew roughly towards the exit. Harry stumbled towards the door, quickening his stride in an attempt to make it back to his cupboard. He was glad Vernon seemed to be in a good mood._

"_I"LL GIVE YOU THIRSTY!" the man screamed._

_Harry stopped dead in his tracks, turning to face his Uncle._

_A drinking glass was sent hurtling towards the boy's face, Harry barely able to lift his hands in time. Shards of glass attached themselves to Harry's arms... blood stained pieces littering the kitchen floor. He was glad he had been able to protect his face, there was absolutely no way he could've explained those scars to his friends._

"_..sight." Vernon sneered, sending another glass crashing towards the wall._

_Harry ran out of the room as fast as he could, pulling the door shut as he entered his cupboard. He dare not turn the light on until he heard his uncle return upstairs. _

_The boy spent the rest of the night picking glass shards from his arm, swallowing his cries of pain. He would not wake his uncle._

The memory made Harry shudder, his body physically shaking with fear.

"So-sorry I couldn't sleep" he murmured

Sirius smiled, stretching out his arms. He patted the seat beside him, motioning for Harry to join him. The boy was confused by his godfathers actions, wasn't he mad at Harry for wandering around the house? Wasn't he going to be punished?

Harry sat beside his godfather, staring blankly towards the fireplace. He was too nervous to speak, afraid that if he did, Sirius would hit him. The elder man went back to reading the paper, sending the occasional glance towards his godson. The boy was frozen, as if preparing himself for an onslaught of pain.

"Remus is right you know?" he said "I would never hit you Harry."

The boy looked down at his hands, nodding slightly.

"I mean it, what your Uncle did to you was wrong!"

Harry began to well up again, repulsed by his reaction to Sirius words. Harry deserved every last beating, his uncle had been right to hit him, right to beat him! Harry subconsciously began tracing the words on his arm.

_Freak._

All was silent again, Sirius waiting for Harry to comment on his last statement.

"You know it was wrong right?" he questioned.

The boy was on the verge of tears, all but ready to burst out crying.

"Right?"

Harry clamped his eyes shut, preventing any tears from escaping.

"I deserved it Sirius," he said "You don't understand!"

To Harry, It seemed that nobody understood him, his Aunt and Uncle had been more than kind to him, they understood. Harry hoped that Sirius would never understand, hoped that he would stay oblivious to his freakiness. He didn't want anyone to find out... he didn't want to be hit.

Sirius shook his head vigorously, trying his hardest to convince his godson otherwise. Harry did nothing to deserve this type of treatment... he was an innocent child.

"No, no Harry," he soothed "Nobody deserves to be treated like that, you least of all!"

Harry let out a frustrated sigh... he didn't understand.

Sirius put his paper down and moved a little closed to his godson. He knew the boy hated to be touched but simply couldn't restrain himself. He placed his hand atop his godson's, trying to comfort him in any way possible.

"You did nothing wrong Harry, you did absolutely nothing to deserve this!"

The boy blinked back tears again, realizing what he was about to say could well ruin everything. Sirius had to know, Harry had to make him understand. He wouldn't put Sirius through the same torture the Dursley's had endured... he wouldn't.

"I'm a freak Sirius... of course I deserved it!"

Sirius' mouth was agape, his whole body shaking with anger. How could Harry think so lowly of himself, had his relatives honestly treated him so poorly? Harry was far from being a freak; he was the sweetest, kindest boy Sirius knew. Of course his judgment was a little biased... Harry was like a son to him. He was James' son.

"You're not a freak Harry... I swear to you you're not."

Harry was unable to stop himself from crying, the walls he'd built to keep people out finally crumbling. Sirius still didn't understand. As much as Harry wanted to keep him in the dark... he couldn't do that to him!

"I grew my hair back Sirius, I ended up on the top of the school building, I turned Dudley's hamster green, can talk to snakes... I killed my parents! I'm a nothing but a no good, freeloading FREAK!" he cried

Sirius continued to shake his head, drawing his godson into a hug. The boy stiffened, not at all comfortable with being touched. He soon relaxed, crying into Sirius' shoulder. He released every emotion that had been bottled up inside of him. For once in his life, Harry cried. Really cried.

"Hair grows naturally, I've climbed more than my fair share of buildings in my lifetime, Dudley's hamster probably deserved it and I'm sure those snake appreciated having a friend to talk to... you're no freak Harry Potter, you're no killer. Your parents didn't die because of you, Pettigrew was at fault, Voldemort was at fault... heck even I was at fault. You're perfect just the way you are Harry, your parents would be so proud of the boy you've turned out to be!"

Harry cried some more, Sirius' robe quickly becoming drenched in tears. He rubbed soothing circles into the boy's back, giving him time to come to terms with what he had just said.

"I'm, I'm no go-good Sirius... I'm no good!" He sobbed.

Sirius shook his head some more "You're a good person Harry, the kindest, most level headed boy I have ever met. You're good mate, you're good!"

Harry slowly pried himself from Sirius' grip, apologizing profusely about having ruined the man's robe. Sirius assured him it was fine, casting a simple cleaning spell to prove his point. Harry smiled at him, the first genuine smile he remembered having in a very long time.

"Go to sleep bud!" he cooed, running his hands through the young boy's hair "we can talk some more in the morning."

Harry nodded obediently before saying goodnight to his godfather. He took a quick detour past Remus' room, simply checking that the man was still asleep in his bed... that he hadn't abandoned him. Harry didn't trust easily but he could feel himself beginning to trust these men.

It scared him.

**Hey guys, you have probably figured I am a MAJOR marauders fan by now... Remus and Sirius are my FAAAAAVVVVVOOOORRRIIITTTTTE characters. Anyways read and review =)**


	7. Please Harry

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Harry sat at the breakfast table, pushing his food around with his fork. Never before had he seen so much bacon in the one place. Not even the Dursley's had eaten this much.

Remus and Sirius stared at the boy intently, fully aware of his avoidance of food. Though Harry had only spent one night with them, they already saw him as a son. Each bite of food left on his plate was like a dagger through their hearts. It pained them to see Harry this way.

"May I be excused?"

The boy's voice came out meekly, in fact, it was almost inaudible. His cheeks were a little flushed, insinuating that he was embarrassed. Perhaps he would have felt more at ease had Sirius and Remus not been staring at him for the past fifteen minutes.

"You haven't even touched your food" Remus noted, gesturing towards the uneaten plate of eggs.

Harry shrugged, "I'm not really that hungry"

Sirius sighed, looking down at his own plate. It was empty, a pearly white surface staring back at him. Why was it so hard for Harry to eat? Sirius had finished his meal in less than ten minutes.

Harry was really beginning to worry him; perhaps the Dursley's had done more than just beat him. The psychological damage seemed irreparable. Harry stiffened when he was touched, jumped when he was addressed, cowered when he was cornered. It all seemed a little odd,

"They didn't starve you too did they?" he asked.

Harry swallowed painfully, an uneasy lump forming at the back of his throat. He knew the answer would anger his godfather, why put him through more pain than necessary?

The boy shook his head, looking down at the ground guiltily.

Sirius cocked his brow, "You're no better at lying than your father."

Remus smirked.

"I always thought James was a rather good liar" he said.

Harry looked up at his new guardians, bickering like an old married couple. It did not scare him, though in hindsight it should have. The Dursley's always bickered... in fact; Harry usually felt the results of their bickering.

"I'm serious Harry, they didn't, did they?"

Remus too was staring at the boy, obviously interested in the answer. Harry felt bad lying to them, though it seemed to come as second nature. He'd often lied to avoid trouble, say he was 'out and about' when in reality he had been owling Remus. Lying was a defense reflex, one he would not willingly give up.

"No"

Sirius grimaced, patting his godson on the back.

"You can tell me anything you know?"

Harry nodded, pulling his chair out from beneath the table. The wooden legs screeched in disapproval though the tiled floor seemed unscathed. For that Harry was glad.

The boy escaped to his room almost instantly, completely disappearing from sight. It seemed he had developed a habit of doing that, one Sirius and Remus hoped to break.

Both men remained downstairs, listening to talkback radio. The men had somewhat aged beyond their years, finding pleasure in things that had once bored them. Caring for a child seemed to have matured them, fortunately. Sirius, though still unbelievably irresponsible, seemed to be able grasp the severity of the situation.

"Do you think we should get him checked out?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked up at him quizzically, unsure as to what had sparked this conversation.

"I suppose it would be a good idea, I doubt Harry would allow it though."

Sirius nodded solemnly, looking down at his hands.

"I don't think he wants us to know how bad it really was."

Remus nodded, "I don't know if I want to know."

Sirius seemed to agree, as much as he wanted to help his godson, details of his abuse simply angered him. He wanted nothing more than to give Harry the childhood he deserved. If only he hadn't gone after that rat, if only he had been smart enough to trust Remus.

"Maybe we should just ask him?"

Remus nodded, pulling himself into a standing position. The man's robes fell to the floor, cascading elegantly behind him. Though blue rings surrounded his eyes, Remus looked more determined than ever.

The two men began ascending the stairs, taking them two at a time. Harry's room was opposite Remus', Sirius' room being at the opposite end of the hall. Their home was rather mismatched, rooms being scattered all over the place. The two men had successfully transformed their house into the wizarding equivalent of a bachelors pad.

Remus pounded on the door, "Harry?"

The boy, seated in the corner of the large room, stood to open the door. His footsteps were unevenly paced, his eyes red from crying. The boy's glasses were askew, his clothes seeming dirtier than they had before. Perhaps the light simply amplified his poor state.

"You ok bud?" Sirius asked.

Harry smiled lopsidedly, something he only ever did when trying to hide his emotions. Sirius had known the boy long enough to realize that.

"Come on cub," he cooed "cheer up!"

Remus wrapped his arm around the boys shoulder, slowly leading him towards the bed. The three men sat side by side though silence befell them. Nobody seemed willing to speak, afraid that if they did, they might say something wrong.

Finally, Sirius grew tired of the tension.

"We think you should go see a healer." He started.

Harry shook his head.

"Come on Harry," Remus said "we'll be with you the entire time!"

He shook his head again.

"We'll even take you out for ice-cream afterwards." Sirius added.

The boy scoffed.

"I'm not five"

Sirius smiled, nodding his head lightly, "I know mate, we're just worried is all."

Harry sighed deeply, there was absolutely no way he was going to see a healer. They would know... know how freaky he was. He shook his head once more, a vain attempt to stop the men's questioning.

"Please Harry," Remus pleaded "we'll even take you to Madame Pomfrey if it makes you feel better!"

Harry shook his head again.

"Why not let Severus look you over?"

Harry's eyes widened, why would his old professor even suggest such a thing?

Remus looked at him guiltily "I know... it was a long shot."

Harry smiled.

"What about Molly Weasley?"

Harry shook his head again. She was more of a mother to him than anyone else he'd ever met. She was like family; he would not let her see him this way.

"I have some medical training." Remus concluded... a last attempt at convincing Harry to seek medical treatment.

The boy shook his head once more.

Remus sighed deeply, lying down on Harry's bed. The child was certainly stubborn.

"What about Tonks?" Sirius asked.

Harry froze, obviously thinking things over. Both men held their breaths, staring at the boy hopefully.

He again shook his head. Both men exhaled.

What had been so different about Tonks? What had made him consider the possibility?

The night panned out as such, both men listing off names, Harry simply shaking his head in response. Never again did he pause to consider the options. He had even been unwilling to allow Sirius to check him. What was he so afraid of?

The answer seemed to plague the men. What exactly WAS he so afraid of?

**Hey guys sorry this chapter is extremely short... I have been studying like ALL week! I figured a slightly shorter chapter was better than nothing right?  
>the next one will be longer I promise XD<strong>

**Also, sorry about not updating earlier... I have been having trouble uploading documents **

**Read and Review =)**


	8. Muggle Remedies

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Later that evening, Sirius and Remus had ventured downstairs, leaving Harry to his own accord. Padfoot was showering, Remus was beginning to cook dinner. It seemed Moony did most of the cooking in the household, Sirius either being inept or unwilling to assist him.

Both men spent the majority of their time thinking about Harry, Sirius listing revenge tactics against the Dursley's, Remus planning future outings. It was funny how differently the men thought, it was truly a miracle that they managed to get along.

Harry, much like his guardians, spent the majority of histime thinking about others. He wanted to keep out of the way, lessen the burden of his presence. He hated how Remus and Sirius waited on him; surely they would get sick of him eventually. As much as he wanted to relax around the men, he couldn't help but feel as if he was hindering them. As a result, Harry spent much of his time in his bedroom. After all, The Dursley's had always hated his company, it was only logical that Sirius and Remus would too.

Sitting alone in his room, Harry decided it would be best to get ready for tea. Searching through his trunk, he attempted to locate some clean clothes. Though many of his things were too big for him, Aunt Petunia had bought him a proper set of clothing for when he was to be meeting guests. Unfolding the buttoned shirt, Harry rummaged around his bag for a set of trousers.

Slipping a tie around his neck, a raging pain was sent pulsating through his body. Turning to see which injury had reopened, Harry found that a lashing on his back had begun to bleed again. Gathering his dirty shirt, he pressed the fabric against his skin. Though the pain was horrid, he refused to scream out. It seemed that the injury was swollen, no doubt infected. At the Dursley's he had been able to sneak some antibiotics from the cupboard, unfortunately he had no idea where the medicine was kept at the Lupin residence. He doubted the pills would look remotely the same; Remus probably used salves and potions rather than muggle remedies. Sighing deeply he realized he may well have to let it be. Perhaps it would get better on its own.

Remus called Harry and Sirius to dinner, both men dawdling down the stairs. Harry seemed to be cringing, though looked far better than he had earlier. Dressed in a shirt and a tie, he almost looked presentable.

Sirius reached across the dining table, piling his plate with mashed potatoes and peas. His steak seemed to fill the majority of his china though it appeared his vegetables were too in large quantities. In contrast, Harry's plate looked bare.

"Aren't you hungry?" Remus pondered, truly worried about the boy's wellbeing.

Harry shook his head, "Not really."

Though neither Sirius nor Remus believed the boy, it didn't seem appropriate to prod him further. Changing the conversation, dinner went off without fault.

Harry helped Remus clear the table at the end of the meal, even offering to do the dishes. Remus, being Remus, had simply done them himself. It wasn't as if had been a bother, Harry had done enough dishes to last him a lifetime. Never would Remus ask him to do them himself. Never again would he have to.

Harry again climbed the stairs, barricading himself in his room once more. Sirius was a little on edge, worrying about Harry's physical state. It must have been bad if he was refusing medical treatment. Just how bad was yet to be determined.

"Did you notice him cringing during dinner?" Remus asked, rather softly considering Harry was within hearing range.

Sirius shook his head, "I was eating."

Remus feigned a smile, at least pretending to be amused by Sirius' poor attempt at making him laugh.

"Did you notice that Harry wasn't?" Remus asked again.

Sirius, now nodding, seemed to have noticed.

"I think they starved him," Sirius said "I swear to Merlin Remus, if they starved him!"

Remus felt his throat tighten, Sirius had a point. He didn't think he could keep his composure should he find out the Dursley's had treated Harry any worse. He was angry enough as it was. Vernon had _HIT _him... heaven forbid should they have starved him too. Remus was already contemplating visiting them on a full moon.

"They couldn't have... could they?" Sirius asked.

Remus truly didn't know the answer to his friend's question, nor was he sure that he wanted to know. He had been living in a cupboard after all; starvation didn't seem out of the question.

"I don't know Padfoot, I really don't," He said "But I think it's pretty safe to assume."

Sirius let out a shaky sigh, seeming even more distracted than before. The room suddenly seemed deathly silent, despite the ticking of Remus' grandfather clock. Both men were too shocked to speak, a little depressed even. They wanted nothing short of the best for their cub, nothing less than what James would have expected.

"I'm going to bed" Sirius said shortly, sending a curt nod in his friend's direction.

Remus, after returning the gesture, began poking the fire. It seemed to calm him.

oOo

It was almost midnight, the darkened sky outside of Harry's window seemed more looming than ever. Harry was not afraid of the dark; he simply wasn't accustomed to seeing the night sky. His back was paining him, the infected gashes throbbing persistently. His nightshirt seemed to have collected bloodstains, the wound obviously having reopened. Never before had he experienced a pain so constant, usually his infected wounds had begun clearing up by now. He could typically see some improvement. Deciding it was not in his best interest to go exploring, he opted to simply lie still. At least he wouldn't aggravate the lashes further. If he had bothered to trace the scars, he may have even been able to pinpoint the point of contact. Welts made by his Uncle's belt were easily identifiable.

Harry whined a little as he closed his eyes, small whimpers subconsciously escaping his lips. He hoped the noise was muffled enough not to raise suspicion, hopefully Remus and Sirius would assume he was having nightmares. The last thing he needed was for them to go snooping.

Hedwig was hooting in disapproval, being smart enough to realize when her owner was in pain. She had seen him through enough injuries to realize. Hedwig wished that the boy would go for help though knew his pride would prevent him from doing so. His pride prevented him from doing a lot of things.

Remus was not yet asleep either, his eyes wide open. Due to his supersonic hearing, he had heard Harry's murmurs from his room. Part of him wished to rush to his aid, another part told him to stay put. If Harry were truly in danger he would have come running right?

Sirius however, was dead to the world. His eyes were rolled back, salvia coating his pillow. It was a horrid sight, a grown man sprawled out across his sheets. Had he been in Remus' position, he probably would have been prodding Harry. It was not that Sirius loved the boy any more than Remus did; he was simply a little nosier.

The following day was sure to be a doozy.

**Ok well I am not going to make excuses... my homework had to come first and that's all there is to it. I'm really sorry. I'm on holidays for like a week now so I'll try and upload more. In saying that I have to juggle work and a social life lol. By the looks of things, you should have a new chapter every two days or so. If I can, I will try and upload one tomorrow... we shall see XD**


	9. Full English Breakfasts

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Harry found himself biting down on his lip, attempting to prevent himself from crying. He had awoken in a bloodstained bed, his shirt having attached itself to his back. His hair too was matted with blood, wounds obviously being a little worse than he had expected.

As he stood, the boy felt a little woozy. Though he was unsure of whether it was due to blood loss or sleep deprivation, he assumed it was the latter. Harry needed to shower; there was no doubt about it. Luckily, he seemed to remember where the towels were kept.

Intent on not waking his guardians, Harry tiptoed down the hall. Lightly treading one foot in front of the other, he kept his eyes on his godfather's door. Should Sirius awake, Harry would never hear the end of it. The man would be worried sick, awaking to find his godson drenched in blood. Reaching the linen cupboard, Harry pulled out an unused towel.

Throwing himself into the shower, Harry welcomed the hot water as it trailed down his limbs. His back stung, scars raw and red. Though tears trailed down his cheeks, they were masked by steam and water. Nobody would ever know the difference. Each sob that racked his frame was one brought on by tears shed only for himself. He did not cry in the presence of others, it was a sign of weakness.

Splashing his face with soap and water, the boy stared at himself in the foggy mirror. His reflection was pitiful, bony and bruised. His back was welted by belt marks, his neck reddened by finger shaped bruises. The scar that ran down his arm seemed more prominent than ever, aggravated by the hot, soapy water. Crying out once more, Harry turned the shower off.

Dabbing the wound on his back with his towel, Harry realized that lash was still bleeding. Swearing under his breath, the boy began rummaging through Remus' medicine cupboard. An assortment of toothbrushes, bruise salves and potions filled the shelves. None of the bottles were labeled, making it all but impossible for Harry to heal his wounds magically. Muggle bandages would have to do for the time being.

Wrapping the dressing around his chest and back, he struggled to properly fit it. The movement was unnatural and a little awkward, almost impossible for one to do unassisted. Harry had no idea how he'd managed, but somehow he'd been able to wrap the bandage around his back.

Throwing on a clean pair of clothes, albeit a little big, Harry began descending the stairs. As a way of thanking Remus and Sirius for saving him, Harry had intended on preparing a full English breakfast... should his godfather be properly equipped with the right ingredients of course.

Pulling the pan from the draw beside the stove, Harry searched the cabinets for some oil. He was unsure as to where anything was in the kitchen, aside from the necessities. He would perhaps have to ask Remus next time he was around... he hated feeling so utterly useless. Realizing that the oil was most probably sorted above the stove, Harry ran to get a chair. The cupboard happened to be slightly out of reach, the boy indeed having to reach even whilst balancing on the chair. Why Remus had felt the need to place it so high was beyond him.

After spotting the oil on the top shelf, Harry made the attempt to stretch. As he did so, his wound began to reopen... again. An unbelievably sharp pain was sent spiraling down his spine, all but immobilizing the boy. Crying out in pain, Harry jumped down from the chair. Something was definitely amiss.

Tears filled his eyes though he refused to let them spill, the pain slowly becoming unbearable. It felt as if someone had stabbed him with a hot poker, repeatedly jabbing the same spot. Falling to his knees, Harry clasped his back, trying vainly to stop the bleeding. Pulling his hand away from the wound, his fingers, now stained red, began to quiver. Something was definitely wrong.

Some part of Harry wished to stay downstairs and cry, another part yearned for comfort. He wanted Sirius and Remus to hold him, tell him everything was going to be ok. He wanted to be looked after, cared for. It was not an unusual request, simply something he had been deprived of for so many years.

Realizing this was no time to be proud, the boy jumped to his feet. The situation had escalated out of his control. Scuffing his shoes as he went, the boy made the long ascent up the stairwell. Moving pictures and charmed portraits made little comment on his state, simply gawked as he walked by. It seemed Harry was in a much worse state than he'd thought.

Quickening his pace a little, the frail boy arrived outside of Remus' room. Hadn't he been the one to tell Harry he'd had medical training? Hoping to god that his new guardian knew what he was doing, he raised his fist to the door.

Knocking lightly on the frame, Harry awaited a welcome. Surely Remus would invite him in. Footsteps could be heard on the opposite side of the room, the clinking of a lock soon thereafter.

oOo

Remus swung open the door, expecting to be met by a bewildered Sirius... asking him for food. To his surprise, Harry stood rather meekly before him. The boy's face was drained of colour though a patchwork of bruises seemed to cover his neck. Harry's eyes, sunken and gaunt, looked to be pleading with him.

Stepping aside as to let the boy in, Remus couldn't help but stare at his blood soaked fingers. Allowing panic to befall him, the man could feel a lump forming in the back of his throat. His chest seemed tight, hands clenching into fists. Something was wrong with his cub!

"Remus I need help" the boy slurred, obviously a little disorientated.

Ushering Harry into his quarters, the werewolf allowed all other thoughts to clear his mind. He needed to be 100% focused on helping James' son.

"What is it bud?" he asked sincerely, attempting to hide his panic.

Harry seemed to be on the verge of tears, hunching over in a rather uncomfortable looking position. He was going to throw up. Summoning a bucket with his wand, Remus rushed to the boy's side.

For the first time since Harry had entered the room, Remus noticed his blood stained shirt. For a moment he had been unable to contain his sorrow, mouth falling open in surprise. Thrusting the bucket beneath Harry's face, the man turned his attention to his back.

"Harry," he demanded urgently "Harry what happened?"

A pale face soon met his own, tears now freely falling down his cheeks. Had the boy not been in such tremendous pain, Remus would have pulled him into an embrace.

"Please cub," he begged "Just tell me what happened."

In response Harry simply shook his head, unable to form the words he required.

"Can you fix it?" he asked simply, doe eyed and needy.

Remus was at a loss for words, nodding his head in Harry's general direction. "I'll be right back ok? I'm just going to wake Sirius."

Harry notably stiffened, grabbing ahold of Remus' shirt. He obviously did not want the man to leave his side, either that or he wished to keep his godfather in the dark. Smiling halfheartedly, Remus pried himself from the boy's grip, vowing not to alert Sirius. Harry seemed to relax a little, falling into Remus' arms.

"Harry listen to me" the man said "I know you're not going to like this but... I'm going to have to take your jumper off."

Harry seemed to completely lose the plot, beginning to sob uncontrollable. Though a complete mental and physical mess, he seemed to nod in response. Sighing deeply, he raised his arms. Remus began tugging at the sweatshirt, careful not to knock Harry's wound. Lifting the hoodie over the boy's head, the man failed to suppress a gasp.

"Dear God Harry!" he cried "what have they done to you?"

**Haha what do we think? R&R 3**


	10. Freak

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Harry's eyes widened in fear, Remus' tone of voice catching him a little off guard.

"Dear God Harry!" he cried "what have they done to you?"

Looking down shamefully, Harry attempted to place his hand over his left forearm. Remus had not yet noticed the scar. Hoping to keep that particular instance a secret, Harry allowed the man to examine the rest of his injuries.

"The cuts on your back are quite infected Harry," he noted "but nothing that a bit of medicine can't fix"

Smiling a little, Harry looked up into the man's eyes. He was completely distraught, that much was made apparent. Had he been a little less preoccupied with covering the scar on his arm, Harry may have even attempted to comfort him. He truly did not want anyone to 'get emotional'. His Uncle, when dealing with Harry's wounds, had not exactly been kind.

"Listen Harry," the man suddenly proclaimed "I'm just going to get some things from the bathroom... I'll be right back ok?"

The boy nodded meekly.

"If you need me, just call out." He finished.

Harry's eyes followed the man as he left the room, still dressed in his pajamas. Had this particular scene taken place during the last school term, Harry may have even found it humorous. The man had been his professor after all, his favorite, most trustworthy teacher.

As the man reentered the room, the boy noted the assortment of bottles in his hands. Audibly gulping, he couldn't help but fear what was to come. Antiseptics and things of sorts had always caused him an abundance of pain.

"Ok bud," Lupin began "I'm going to have to ask you to lift your arms."

Horror flashed across the boy's face, fear riddling his features. Remus was unsure as to what had caused the sudden change in temperament, but needed him to raise his arms no less. If he were to apply these creams, the skin needed to be taught. It was the first rule of magical medicine.

"I ca-can't" Harry stuttered, struggling to form an excuse in his head.

He hoped Remus would simply assume it brought about a horrible memory, allow him to keep his hands where they were. Given, much of his scar was still visible... but at least one could not make out the word.

"Harry please?" the man pleaded "It won't hurt I swear. It'll all be over in a minute."

Harry began to breathe a little heavier, truly beginning to panic. Remus had not seen the full extent of his injuries yet. Sure, he had been the belt marks and busies... but he had not seen everything. The finger marks on his neck were little in comparison to his forearm. The lashings that covered his back were too incomparable. Had he thought the situation through properly, he mightn't have asked for help in the first place.

Carefully turning as to face away from Remus, Harry lifted his arms. His forearm, not directly pointed at the man, seemed to have gone unnoticed. Allowing himself to sigh, Harry relaxed a little. Soon, Harry could feel Remus' cool hands running over his back. The lashes soon numbed and hence the boy was unable to feel the man applying additional creams.

"You still look a mess" Remus stated "but it's certainly an improvement."

Smiling a little, Harry allowed relief to fill him. Remus was not mad, he had not intentionally harmed him.

"Now spin round so I can do your front" he added casually.

Again feeling his stomach drop, Harry glanced down at his chest. It looked far better than it usually did, nothing more than a few bruises apparent on his stomach. A small scar ran across his ribcage though it was nothing in comparison to his back.

"No it's fine really!" Harry begged... not wanting to alert Remus as to why he was so nervous.

If he turned around, there was absolutely no way he could hide his forearm.

"Come on Harry," Remus cooed "Don't be silly. It's no problem at all."

Blinking back tears, the boy attempted to formulate an excuse in his mind. There seemed no logical explanation for him NOT to turn around.

It seemed Harry had no reason to worry at all. Unbeknown to him, Sirius had entered the room. It seemed he had awoken shortly after Harry had fumbled up the stairs. Looking up, Harry's eyes met his godfathers. Sirius had simply wanted to hug the boy, unaware that his presence was about to complicate things even further.

In the span of 15 seconds, Sirius seemed to have located the source of Harry's disdain. Taking a hold of the boy's wrist, he moved the scar into better view. WHAT IN THE WORLD?

_Freak_

"Harry?" he asked urgently "what is this?"

Though the man attempted to keep his cool, acid laced his words. Sirius was angry; there was no doubt about it.

"It's no-thing really" the boy was able to sputter, attempting to pull his hand away from his godfather.

Remus, now clued on to what was happening, stood with his mouth agape. He was unsure as to exactly what had caused Harry's injury though was worried no less. Had Harry done this to himself or had it been his Uncle? Heaven forgive him should it have been his Uncle!

Sirius, now furrowing his brow in complete desolation, refused to let go of the boy's hand. He bit down on his lip, attempting to withhold his tears.

"Please cub," he whispered "Just tell me what happened."

Allowing a single tear to fall down his cheek, Harry looked up at Sirius. They couldn't know... they simply could not. It had, without a doubt, been the worst moment of his life. He had been pinned down, and he had struggled. It seemed that nothing within his power had been able to prevent the knife befalling his arm. No kick nor scream nor squirm had been able to free him. He had been helpless, completely helpless.

"I-I-I" the boy stuttered "I can't!"

Sirius, now shaking his head, began running his fingers through the boy's hair.

"You can," he assured "You can Harry, You can."

Tears now freely flowing down his face, Harry fell to the ground. Sirius, squatting alongside him, released his grip on the boy. Remus too bent down beside him, rubbing soothing circles on his newly healed back.

"I didn't even DO IT!" Harry screamed irrationally, the explanation obviously making more sense in his head. "It was Dudley!"

Sirius attempted to smile comfortingly though found his face twisted more so into a scowl. He was going to KILL somebody. Preferably that excuse of a man... Vernon Dursley. He was going to kill him for what he'd done to his cub, he was going to suffer!

"I couldn't get away!" the boy howled "I couldn't do anything!"

Sirius allowed himself to sob a little, though he did not cry. His tears remained unfallen, at least until he was alone.

"Shhhhh cub" he hushed "You're ok now, you're safe now."

Drawing Harry into his arms, Sirius hugged him. It was a sign of respect, of utmost admiration. Harry was without a doubt, the bravest person he'd ever met. Looking over at Remus, Sirius found it a little harder to prevent himself from crying. It was as if he were staring into the eyes of a wolf, the man so unbelievably mad that he seemed unable to control his emotions. Both men could at least agree on something... Vernon Dursley was going to PAY!

**THANK YOU ALL FOR THE LOVELY REVIEWS! You have absolutely made my day =D**

**Oh and I do realize that harry somewhat admitted to being starved during his 'rant' at the Dursley's BUT he said so amongst other one-time occurrences. He said he had been locked in his cubboard without food... the men simply assumed it had only happened the once. Does that answer your question :D  
><strong>

**Xox R&R!**


	11. Emotional Scars

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Remus and Sirius were still crouched beside the boy, muttering words of comfort as they exchanged worried glances.

"Harry," Remus whispered " I am so sorry, I should have seen the signs during your third year, I should have paid more attention, tried harder... anything would have been better than this!"

Harry did not respond though allowed silent tears to trickle down his face. None of this had been Remus' fault, it was stupid of him to think so. These men were completely unpredictable, how they could blame themselves for the Dursleys' actions was completely beyond him. How they could continue being so kind to him was too confusing.

"I don't understand," the boy sobbed "why are you being so nice to me?"

Though subconsciously, Harry began attempting to wiggle free of Sirius' embrace. He did not like being touched, especially by adults. Males especially scared him. Though he seemed to be warming to Sirius and Remus, he was not r quite ready to let them in fully. They were adults, they were his guardians... and he deserved to be punished.

"Because Harry," Remus choked "You deserve it."

_You deserve it._

Harry couldn't help but cringe at the mention of the phrase.

He deserved to be hit.

He deserved to be bashed.

He deserved to be kicked.

But he did NOT deserve to be treated kindly.

Sirius, noticing the boy wince, drew him a little closer.

"You want to know why we treat you nicely." Sirius stated, shock apparent in his voice.

Harry nodded, truly perplexed by the situation. He did not understand what had driven the men to save him from his relatives, provide him with a warm bed and hot food.

"We're nice to you because we want to be," Sirius stated plainly "We're nice to you because we love you."

_Love_

Harry's eyes widened in shock, having never been told he was loved. Petunia and Vernon had loved Dudley... not Harry. Harry was the unlovable child, the evil child. He was completely and utterly despised. Nobody could love him... it simply didn't make sense.

Though Harry knew the words to be untrue, he had never felt happier in his life. If only for a moment, he felt as if he were truly loved. He felt as if somebody truly cared. Sirius and Remus could not love him... nobody could... but there was no harm in pretending.

Harry allowed silence to befall the room; he sat waiting for his godfather to retract his words. For him to admit it had all been a cruel joke.

But he never did.

Harry frowned a little, completely confused by the situation. It didn't make sense. How could Sirius love a freak like him? How could somebody so kind and considerate love a freak like him? How could Remus love him? How could somebody so intelligent and caring love a freak like him?

Harry turned to look at Remus, his face so sincere... so calm. As his eyes met Harry's, he too began nodding.

They loved him.

_I think I'm going to die._

"You love ME?" he asked, albeit rather strained.

Harry was unsure as to whether he wanted to hear the answer to the question. He had regretted the words almost as soon as they had left his lips. Why did he do things like this? Why did he have to ruin everything?

"More than anything else in the world." Sirius clarified, looking over at Remus' for support.

Moony too began to speak, "As I would my own son."

The boy allowed himself to smile, allowed his heart to swell. He was unsure as to whether the feeling was to last though supposed this is what being loved felt like. He supposed this is how he had felt around his parents.

And their friends.

As much as Harry wanted to return the favor, to tell his guardians that he loved them back, he simply could not . He did not know what love felt like, was it at all like friendship? In some senses he felt love for his carers, in others, he couldn't help but fear them.

Carers were supposed to love and care for their children... but then again, so were aunts and uncles. What was stopping Sirius from lashing out and hitting him, what was to stop Remus from holding his hand to a hot plate?

As much as he wanted to believe the men, believe that they would never hurt him, he somehow doubted them. Just they wait until they experienced his freakishness first hand, just they wait and see. He'd be sent back to his Aunt's faster than he could say Nargle.

"Thank you" he managed to stammer.

For now, a simple thank you seemed enough for the men. Sirius knew how hard it was for abused children to open up to others. Though his parents had been nowhere near as horrid as Harry's relatives, he had been abused no less. The emotional abuse was by far the most severe, his father only cursing him every now and again. Had it not been for the Potter's, Sirius doubted he would have been able to trust another human being. Sirius wanted to be there for Harry, he wanted to be _his _Potter family.

"My Dad hit me too you know?" Sirius stated, hoping to coerce Harry into opening up about his own home life.

The boy's eyes widened in surprise, urging him to continue. He wanted to know he was not alone, wanted to realize that there were others out there who had endured the same hardships.

"We never really saw eye to eye," Sirius commented "The day I left for the Potter's was the day he attempted to use the Crutiatus curse on me."

Harry frowned a little, heart beginning to beat a little faster. Somebody had tried to hurt Sirius... somebody had wanted him to suffer. He could not quite comprehend the situation; after all, Sirius was the kindest person he'd ever met.

"But you were his son." He squeaked, looking towards the man for an explanation.

The corners of Sirius' mouth upturned in a sympathetic grimace.

"Just as you were his nephew."

Harry seemed to ponder the statement for a moment, opening his mouth many a time as if to speak.

"Was that the worst thing he ever did to you?" Harry asked, obviously concerned for his godfather.

Sirius half shrugged and nodded. "I'd say the emotional scars are worse,"

**Blegh guys... I wrote this at like 4 in the morning because I couldn't fall to sleep... let me know what you think.**

**Please R&R  
>oh and don't worry... I'm writing a <strong>_**revenge**_** chapter soon –cackles manically- **


	12. As He Lay Sleeping

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Sirius and Remus sat cross legged on the floor, a sleeping Harry between them. They assumed it would have been logical to move the boy but couldn't bring themselves to wake him. Simply levitating a mattress and pillow beneath him, Remus assumed he would be comfortable enough on the floor. As it were, neither man was particularly keen on leaving him alone.

"What do you think we should do?" Sirius whispered urgently.

Remus shrugged, not really in the mood to do anything that didn't involve being in the presence of Harry.

"Well, we need to do something!" He whispered again, slightly more aggressively.

Remus shut his eyes, pondering the possibilities. He did not know exactly what was Sirius was suggesting but supposed their thoughts were revolved around the same topic. Harry.

"They need to pay for what they did to him Remus," Sirius snarled "You saw what they did to his arm didn't you?"

Remus, though fully agreeing with the man, thought it a bad idea to go barging into the Dursley's without a plan. Firstly, it could land Sirius back in Azkaban. Secondly, he doubted he would be able to control the wolf within him.

"What do you suppose would happen should Harry awake to find us missing?" The man stated accusingly.

Sirius allowed himself to sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"I just can't stand it Moon!" Sirius muttered "I can't stand the thought of them sitting merrily in their house rejoicing the departure of their nephew."

Remus again closed his eyes, though more due to frustration than thought. It was true; he could not stand the idea either.

"We can't leave Harry behind Sirius," Remus resolved "like it or not, he had to be our first priority. We need to keep him safe. We can deal with the Dursley's later."

Sirius clenched his teeth, more than a little mad at the world. It wasn't fair! The Dursley's deserved to pay for what they had done to his godson... they deserved to pay for what they had done to Harry.

Remus sat stroking the boy's hair, shooting the odd glance up at Sirius. At times the man worried him, after all, his drive for revenge had always been strong. Back at Hogwarts, Remus had always been willing to go along with he and James' pranks, in saying this, he had never once orchestrated one. Scratch that, he had only done so once or twice.

oOo

Remus was unaware that he had fallen asleep, only awaking at the sound of clattering pans in the kitchen. His eyes shot open quickly, scanning the room for the missing figure.

Sirius was cooking. God save them all.

Pulling the covers up over Harry's frame, Remus shot down the staircase. The room, already filled with black smoke, seemed unrecognizable.

"Shit Sirius!" Remus exclaimed "What in the world do you think you're doing?"

The man grinned mischievously, dusting his floury hands on his robes.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" he asked playfully, leaning over the burner to turn off the stove.

The werewolf cringed a little, realizing the man could well have set the house on fire.

"It looks like you're making a mess," Remus responded "That's what it looks like you're doing!"

Sirius chuckled, waving his wand around in a rather casual fashion. Moony watched as the black smoke cleared, watched as the utensils and cutlery made their way into the sink. Sighing, he moved as to help Sirius remove the food from the oven.

Pulling the charred object from the gas oven, Remus was not able to identify what it had originally been. It could have been a chicken, or a lamb... heck it could have even been a toaster.

"What is this?" Remus questioned distastefully, holding the pan at an arm's length away.

Sirius seemed to roll his eyes "It was supposed to be a cake!"

Upturning the dish, Remus watched as the charred lump fell into the trashcan. He realized now why he never let Sirius cook. Merlin knows how he would have coped had he been living alone.

"And why, may I ask, were you baking a cake?"

Sirius shrugged, casually moving his weight between his feet.

"I was mad!" Sirius exclaimed, almost as if the statement was an explanation in itself. "I just needed to do something to get my mind off the Dursley's!"

Remus sighed, understanding that Sirius was unlikely to let the subject drop.

"We'll drop Harry off at the Burrow tomorrow morning." Remus stated calmly, smiling roguishly towards his friend.

Sirius looked up from what he was doing, grinning like an outright idiot. He was unsure as to whether or not Remus was joking but was excited no less.

"You're serious?" The man questioned, an evil glint apparent in his eyes.

Remus nodded.

Pulling himself into a sitting position atop of the kitchen bench, Sirius could not help but laugh. He was certainly in for some fun.

"You do realize you're the best friend an escaped criminal could ever ask for right?" he joked.

Remus nodded.

"And you do realize that seeming as I'm already an escaped criminal... there's technically no reason for me to refrain from killing them?"

The mood in the room suddenly tensed, Remus opening his mouth as if to disagree. He wanted the Dursley's dead just as much as the next man, but simply did not want his best friend to do it. Come to think of it, he didn't really want the Dursley's to die after all. Just pay. As he saw it, the dementors kiss would be more fitting. Somehow Remus doubted there would even be a soul to revoke in the first place. The Dursley's didn't deserve death... they deserved to suffer.

"James wouldn't have wanted you to." Was all he seemed to be able to manage.

Sirius looked up at his friend, grudgingly agreeing with what he had just said. James wouldn't have wanted Sirius to murder anyone, no matter how horrid they were. James was a good man... he somehow saw the best in everyone. Perhaps even the Dursley's.

"But Harry's his son." Sirius rebutted, hoping to make some sort of an argument. He was mad and he wanted the Dursley's dead.

"Killing them isn't going to achieve anything Sirius; they're not worth the time in Azkaban. Don't let them take anything else from Harry. Don't let them do it."

Sirius gulped loudly, nodding reluctantly. He would not kill the Dursley's... at least not tomorrow.

**Hmmm is everyone excited for the revenge chapter? XD**

**R&R xox**


	13. Revenge is Bittersweet

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Sirius stood out the front of the Dursley's residence, watching as the family sat down for dinner. His eyes were dark, somewhat glimmering in anticipation. His werewolf friend too looked on in distaste, fists clenched and forehead creased. It was a truly nerve wreaking sight, enough to put even the bravest of men on edge.

Skulking towards the door in an oddly synchronized fashion, the wizards held their wands threateningly. It was obvious they were intent on revenge, or at least focused on a goal at hand.

"Are you ready?" Sirius asked sadistically, a callous smile plastered upon his face.

Remus nodded, smirking a little, "Do you suppose we should ring the doorbell?"

Sirius shook his head, a little taken aback by the man's comment. Had he never made an angry house call before?

"Reducto!" Sirius yelled hastily, the front door being blown off its hinges.

His face was comparable to that of his wanted poster, a crazed look apparent in his eyes. If the Dursley's had not recognized him the other night... perhaps they would now.

A scream could be heard from the kitchen, Petunia obviously having caught a commotion. Remus and Sirius fell deathly quiet, simply standing in the hall impedingly. They wanted to make an impression, and it had to be theatrical.

Vernon soon came into view, a cowering Dudley hiding behind his form.

"We've heard some things about you Vernon." Sirius hissed, glaring at the man from across the room.

Remus stood beside him, baring his teeth in a somewhat sneer-like fashion. They truly looked as if they had escaped from a mental hospital, perfectly fit for a horror movie.

"You didn't think you could rid of me that easily did you?" Remus added snidely.

Fear flashed across Vernon's face as he pushed his son back into the kitchen. Dudley let out a squeal, not at all dissimilar to a pig. His rump behind sprinted into his mother's awaiting arms as Petunia watched the scene unfold. Her eyes were as wide as saucers, hands securing themselves around her son.

Vernon seemed isolated, left alone in a room to face his impending doom. Two faces that would forever haunt his dreams smiled twistedly at him, causing the man to all but burst into tears. His whale like figure began trembling as Sirius approached him. The spindle wand dug into the man's neck as Sirius pushed him against the wall. For a moment, the house seemed to shake, the entire frame being rattled. Sirius was not holding back, all his energy having been focused on forcing the man against the wall. He was much smaller than Vernon... but by no means weaker.

"Did you laugh when you did this to my godson?" Sirius whispered through clenched teeth "Did you laugh as you forced him against the wall?"

Releasing the man from his grip, Sirius pushed him a little further into the plasterboard, breaking his gaze for only a moment. Vernon seemed to grab for the man's neck but was soon met by the end of Remus' wand.

"Make one more move and I'll blow your head off!" he threatened.

Vernon allowed his hand to fall to his side as Remus and Sirius stared him down. Both men wished to curse him, make him suffer as Harry had, but neither would allow it. They would not end up in Azkaban. They would not desert James' son.

"Do you feel proud Vernon?" Remus taunted "Did his tears please you?"

The purple faced man allowed a humph to escape his lips, no answer nor words accompanying it.

"Did it please you to see him bruised, did it make you feel like more of a man?"

Vernon's eyebrows fell, face beginning to redden. He was mad. Nobody had ever insulted his honor.

"I bet you lot feel proud!" Vernon remarked "I bet you feel like big men... breaking into my house and scaring my wife and child."

Remus cornered the man, placing his arm across the only exit route.

"Don't talk as if you have a soul" he jeered "Don't you dare act as if you give a shit! You are a pitiful excuse for a human being and I can't believe Dumbledore ever entrusted you with James' child!"

A smile slowly appeared across Vernon's face, his crooked teeth coming into view.

"It was no wonder the boy turned out so vile!" he bellowed "With his dirty blood he could have never been normal. You're fools to think that James Potter is any better of a man than I."

Everything seemed to happen in an instance. Remus' hand shot from where it was leant, grabbing a hold of the man's collar. All but throwing Vernon against the wall of Harry's closet, Remus' grip tightened. Sirius rushed to his side, prodding his wand deep into Vernon's flesh. It was as if he held a gun to his side, Dursley cowering in pain.

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT JAMES' NAME!" Sirius screamed "HOW FUCKING DARE YOU.!"

Sirius threw a punch that narrowly missed the man's face, a hole appearing in the wall where his fist had collided.

"SAY IT AGAIN" he sneered, voice cracking with emotion "DO IT! I DARE YOU"

Remus looked down at the man with a sickening grin, if he hadn't been mad before. He was now. The wolf within him was growling, awaiting its release. His eyes flashed with anger as he fought the urge to bear his teeth.

"He was a drunk." Vernon stated.

Remus lost his nerve, grabbing ahold of the man's throat and throwing him across the room.

"Stupefy!" Sirius called, breathing heavy in frustration.

"Get me out of here!" Sirius ordered "GET ME OUT OF HERE BEFORE I KILL HIM!"

Remus quickly took hold of Sirius' arm and began dragging him out the door. The man seemed to be clenching his fists, restraining himself from reaching for his wand once more. As Remus attempted to push Sirius through the doorframe, Padfoot allowed himself to kick the wall, a nasty foot hole being left in the plaster.

"IT"S ABOUT TIME YOU CLEANED UP YOUR OWN MESS DURSLEY!" he called back as he was dragged through the door.

Looking up, Sirius realized he had caused quite the commotion. Every neighbor stood idly in their front gardens, watching as he came barreling out of the house. Deciding to take one last stab at the Dursley's, he began to yell once more.

"I'M NOT THE CRAZY ONE!" he yelled callously "HE'S THE ONE WHO BEAT HIS NEPHEW! HE'S THE ONE THAT STARVED A CHILD!"

Every face seemed to light in surprise, some falling or frowning. He could see them liven at the sound of gossip, anger at the mention of child abuse. He wondered how Petunia would take to such a disruption in her 'perfect life'.

Remus pushed Sirius out onto the street, turning back once more to face Vernon. Though he was unconscious, the werewolf bent down to meet his face.

"If you dare come looking for Harry again," He sneered "Don't expect to be so lucky."

Dragging his friend down the street, Remus waited until they were well out of earshot before mounting his broom. Flying off in a huff, Sirius couldn't help but spit as he flew over the Dursley residence.

**Hey all please R&R... I have been waiting to write this chapter for a while now. Couldn't stand the thought of Vernon getting away with such a thing!**


	14. Departures and Arrivals

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Sirius and Remus arrived back at the burrow to find Harry playing quidditch in the front garden. Ron and he seemed to be having fun. The boys' smiling faces reminded Sirius of how things had once been, of how things should be. He felt a little guilty, depriving Harry of open spaces and playmates. Though he was glad Harry wished to live with him, he couldn't help but wonder if he would've been happier at the Burrow. Selfishness prevented him from even asking. He would not risk losing his godson.

"Sirius!" Molly welcomed from the doorway, pulling the man into a loose embrace.

Sirius feigned a smile, pushing Lupin into the woman's awaiting arms.

"And Remus!" she greeted, not having been awake when the men had dropped Harry off earlier.

"I didn't expect you to return so soon!" she fussed "I would have made you some lunch had I known!"

Sirius shrugged, still a little down after their meeting with Harry's uncle. He wished he could have 'done the man's head in'. If only he had had a crowbar, or a knife.

"Oh don't be silly Molly!" Remus assured, nudging Sirius "We can't stay long anyhow."

Sirius nodded, realizing that the day had only just begun. Remus was taking Harry out for lunch, buying him some new clothes and things of sorts. Seeming as Sirius was technically a wanted criminal; he was to be staying home... alone. If only Albus would hurry up and clear his name. Surely, being the most powerful wizard in the world, he could track down a rat.

The man looked up to find Remus and Molly amid a conversation about parenting. Fred and George had apparently misbehaved and landed themselves quite a bit of trouble. Molly seemed unable to keep her voice down, more than a little frustrated as it seemed. Remus was simply nodding, laughing on occasion. He had grown quite fond of the twins during his stay at Hogwarts, he had bragged about their being the 'mini Marauders' on many occasions. Sirius doubted that they were even remotely comparable to their greatness.

Realizing that neither Remus nor Mrs Weasly appeared overly bothered by his presence, Sirius walked over to where Ron and Harry were setting down their brooms. The green grass and good weather made it a perfect day for Quidditch. Sirius wouldn't be surprised if the boys had begun cursing their arrival, after all, even Sirius would've preferred to be playing a little one-on-one.

"Who won?" the man bellowed, smiling up at his godson and red headed friend.

Harry's eyes immediately flicked up from the ground, a wide grin spread across his face.

"Ron's a hopeless seeker!" He bantered "There's no way he could've beaten me!"

Sirius chuckled, pulling Harry into a 'bro-hug'.

"That's my boy!" he stated proudly, ruffling Harry's hair as he did so. Harry flinched a little, still not overly comfortable with contact from adults. Remus and Sirius had been attempting to show affection towards the boy but it seemed to be getting them nowhere. Harry didn't seem to be making a great deal of progress. Sirius wished, if for no one's good but his own, that Harry would warm to him a little. It killed him to think that Harry feared him. He would do everything within his power to regain the boys trust, even if it meant reestablishing his trust in society as a whole.

"So are we going then?" Harry asked timidly, pulling away from his godfather ever so slightly.

Sirius shrugged, gesturing over toward Remus and Molly, "Who knows!"

Ron laughed a little, moving to shake Sirius' hand.

"It's good to see ya mate!" he stated wholeheartedly, slapping Padfoot on the back for emphasis.

"And you Ron!" Sirius replied, glad that the boy had taken the time to acknowledge him.

Looking back toward Moony and Molly, Sirius realized that he was being summoned. Remus was obviously growing a little tired of Mrs. Weasley's babbling and wished to leave.

"I think that's our cue to leave!" he chuckled, leading Harry towards the front porch.

Though Harry attempted to wriggle free of his grasp, he did not seem to be panicking. That was at least a start.

oOo

Sirius sat staring at the clock, counting down the minutes until his friend and godson returned home from their shopping trip. He had accomplished next to nothing over the course of the day, the Dursley visit being his only real feat. The remainder of his day had been spent looking over old photographs and wallowing in self-pity. He was angry at himself for not taking better care of Harry. If only James could've seen him now. Somehow Sirius doubted he would've approved. Not only had Sirius failed to keep his son safe, but failed to properly punish those that had harmed him. Sure, Vernon was unlikely to ever lay a hand on Harry again, but that was hardly enough was it?

"FUCK!" he exclaimed, throwing a pile of moving photographs to the ground.

Rummaging through a box of his old things, Sirius found himself choking back tears. How had he allowed thing to get this messed up? Why had he gone after Pettigrew? Why hadn't he thought to escape earlier? Why hadn't he seen the signs earlier after he had?

A sixth year version of himself smiled up at him, its gangly arm placed around James Potters shoulder. The pair looked so unbelievably carefree, he had looked so unbelievably carefree. So much had changed since then.

Flipping through a new stack of photo's, Sirius felt anger welling up inside him.

_A Fifth year James stood grinning at the camera, his smile mischievous and true. He playfully punched Peter as the pudgy boy pushed him away. _

Why James?

_A slightly younger, healthier Sirius sat at the Potter's dining table, party poppers being set off in the background. A young Harry giggled in his arms, reaching towards whoever was behind the camera. The boy turned to Sirius for a moment, running his hands through his mustache._

Why Harry?

_A second Year Padfood pulled a face at the camera, his hands waving around his ears in a taunting manner._

Why him?

How had things gone so wrong? Nothing seemed to have gone in their favor. James was dead, Harry was abused, Sirius was imprisoned. Someone certainly seemed to have it out for them; perhaps they were simply pawns in some sick, perverted game.

Ripping up the photograph of James and Peter, he threw the torn pieces into the fireplace. He refused to reminisce about peter, no good memories coming to mind when he thought of the boy. How they had even become friends in the first place was beyond him. It was unsettling to think he had once trusted the boy, horrid to believe they had been close. He would have given his life for Peter once... now? Not so much.

Clenching his hands into tightly formed fists, the man did not hear another enter the room. Green flames engulfed the fireplace, a rigid figure standing within the shadows.

"Good afternoon Sirius," the man mused, Sirius continuing to stare down at his hands.


	15. Werewolves and Wolfsbane

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

"Good afternoon Professor," Sirius replied "I was wondering when you'd get here"

Sirius did not look up from his hands, the voice being easily distinguishable. He had spent many years within the man's office after all; he could recognize Dumbledore's voice anywhere. He supposed the man would be a little pissed, he was a suspected criminal after all. Sirius wouldn't be at all surprised should he have come to take Harry away from him. Sirius was certainly in no position to be kidnapping him after all, Dumbledore had specifically told him not to.

"Sirius," he said flatly "what have you done with the boy?"

The headmaster sounded hesitant, almost as if he couldn't believe the circumstances. Somewhere deep inside of him, Dumbledore knew Sirius must have had a feasible explanation for his actions. Never would Sirius put Harry in danger, not intentionally anyhow. He certainly wasn't the type to disobey a direct order, then again, he had done so on many occasions during his youth.

"I'm a little offended really," Sirius stated angrily, "its one thing to accuse me of murdering my best friend... but a total other to accuse me of putting my godson at risk.

Albus was a little lost for words, completely taken aback by the man's outburst. He didn't think his demands were overly grand, to be truthful, they were rather reasonable. He HAD told Sirius of the blood wards, of how important it was that Harry stay within his Aunt's care. There had to be a good reason behind his kidnapping the boy, hadn't there?

"Just tell me what happened Sirius," the man suggested, truly worried about Harry's safety, "You know as well as I he needs to go back to his relatives."

Sirius notably stiffened, an action that was not gone unnoticed. Albus was curious as to what had brought about the man's discomfort. First, he had yelled at him. Now this?

"Sirius my boy," he lulled "whatever is the matter?"

The man looked up, "His Uncle is the matter!"

Dumbledore raised his eyebrow, truly perplexed by the situation. What in the world was Sirius talking about? Whatever it was, it was obviously unpleasant. Never before had he seen the man so on edge, not even after James' death. He had not even seemed this angered after being wrongfully accused of murder. Sirius was beyond mad, fuming even. His anger did not seem to be directed at the Headmaster though Dumbledore was wary no less.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to elaborate." He prodded, wanting to get to the bottom of the situation.

"He abused him Albus!" Sirius said plainly "they had him locked in the cupboard beneath the stairs!"

The headmaster cringed, having been under the impression that Harry had been given his own room before second year. He hated the thought of such a gallant boy being confined beneath the stairs but felt his protection was of more importance.

"As horrible as it sounds, locking him cupboard hardly gives you means to remove him from the blood protection." Dumbledore explained, attempting to keep a level head.

"What about child abuse?" Sirius replied irritably.

The headmasters eyes widened in shock, his hands beginning to shake. What exactly did Sirius mean by child abuse? Surely the Dursleys couldn't befall harm to their own nephew? Surely they weren't so callous?

"What do you mean Sirius?" the man stated glumly, his mood suddenly solemn.

Sirius looked up at the man, jaw clenched and vision blurred. He was still mad, emotions driving his actions.

"They knocked him around Albus!" Sirius hissed "His damned uncle even sliced him up. Took a knife to his arm for something his cousin did. Apparently Dudley blamed him for knocking a vase off of the table!"

Dumbledore saw red, his fists suddenly clenching. He was generally a calm, collected individual, but something about Harry brought out his protective side. Though he maintained his demeanor, his emotions were running askew. It took everything he had to prevent himself from yelling.

"He may stay." He stated calmly, nodding his head slightly as he did so.

Sirius nodded in return, smiling ever so slightly.

"I wouldn't have let him go back anyway!" he exclaimed, staring down at the headmaster.

"I expected as much" he replied, the twinkle returning to his eyes.

Both men made small talk for a while longer, only bidding good day when Albus retreated to the chimney.

"Don't make me regret this" he called, green flames engulfing his frame.

oOo

Remus seemed to be pulling Harry into every shop on the ally, a parade of bags following them down the street.

"You could probably do with a nice set of dress robes." He noted as they passed the tailor.

Harry shook his head, still a little shocked by Remus' generosity. Never before had somebody bought him a new set of clothes, now Remus was offering to buy him a 5th. It was ironic really, no matter how morbid.

"I'm fine thank you" he replied meekly, attempting to refrain from making eye contact.

Harry had been rather reluctant throughout their shopping trip, obviously made uncomfortable by Remus' willingness to spend money on him. The boy would attempt to pay on almost every occasion, no matter how hard Remus had advised him against it. In saying this, Harry was yet to be successful in his endevors. Remus had a rather keen eye you see.

"How about some books then?" he asked, nudging Harry towards a derelict looking building.

The boy paused, obviously a little more excited by the idea of new books than clothes. After a prolonged silence, He shook his head reluctantly, eyes falling a little. He did not want to anger Remus, surely he would be sick of his company by now. Surely he no longer wished to be dragged around the alley. Though Harry moved away from the store, Remus began leading him towards it. Before he had time to properly comprehend the situation, he found himself within the bookstoor.

"Pick out whatever you'd like bud!" he offered, leading Harry towards some books on dragonology.

The boy ran his spindly fingers across the spines, eyes wide in awe. Never before had he owned a book of his own. Unless of course you counted text books... which he didn't.

_**Love Potions 101**__ by Marleen Maquaree_

_**Counterspells and their uses **__by Sir Harold Gillivan_

_**The Muggleborn's guide to the Wizarding World **__by Stacey Cloverfield_

_**Werewolves and Wolfsbane **__by Donorik Blane_

Harry stopped, pulling the book from the shelf. His interest suddenly sparked, eyes skimming across the cover. He had always wondered about werewolves, the section in his DADA textbook was hardly in depth. Ron could have given him a better explanation.

Clasping the book a little tighter, he couldn't help but run his hands across the surface. He did not wish to ask Remus for money and hence began sneaking towards the counter.

"Just the one please." He stuttered, reaching into his pockets for his gold.

Lupin appeared behind him, just as he had done in every other store. He took ahold of the boys hand and paid himself, flashing an awkward smile at the shopkeeper as he did so. Why Harry felt the need to go behind his back was beyond him. Hopefully his independence could be lessened with time; he would have to learn to trust eventually.

**R&R xox**


	16. Thinking things through

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Remus entered the house looking rather pleased with himself, Harry trailing sulkily behind him. He looked rather upset really, despite his clutching a book protectively. A small smile occasionally trailed across his face, though he may not have been aware of it. Sirius would have asked them about it... but was in too good of a mood to care. Harry could stay! Dumbledore was going to let him stay!

"Remus," he said gleefully, all but dancing into the hallway.

Remus raised his eyebrows, obviously confused by the man's sudden outburst. This was not to say he was surprised, Sirius would be Sirius after all. He was unpredictable, irrational and perhaps even a little crazy.

"We had a visitor." Padfoot stated conversationally, hoping Remus would prod him for more details.

"Oh yeah?" the man said "Who was it?"

Sirius smiled gleefully, "Dumbledore."

Remus frowned a little, wondering why Sirius looked so happy. Surely nothing good could have come from Albus' visit. Somehow Remus doubted he would be too happy with the kidnapping of Harry Potter. He had wondered how long it would take the Headmaster to figure out he and Sirius had been behind it. Obviously not long at all.

"What did he want?" the man stated solemnly, panicking a little.

Sirius paused for a moment, realizing that Remus was on edge. He sniggered a little, loving the idea he was causing his friend such anguish.

"Oh you know," he stated coolly "the usual... you're an escaped criminal who shouldn't be out in public, How could you kidnap your godson, Harry can stay with you and Remus!"

Sirius' was rather good at mimicking the headmaster; his accent was scarily accurate actually. A playful grin soon appeared on the man's face as he watched Remus' jaw drop.

"He said what?"

Sirius smiled again, placing his arm around Harry's shoulder.

"We get to keep little Prongslett!"

Sirius ruffled the boys hair, smiling like a nutcase. He was happy, that much was apparent. No words seemed strong enough to describe his elation.

Remus looked down at Harry, who was obviously uncomfortable. Somehow Remus doubted the boy would be as pleased as he and Sirius.

"Isn't that great Harry?" Sirius asked excitedly.

Harry shrugged, wriggling free of his godfathers embrace. His eyes were averted, book still latched to his chest.

"I suppose so."

Remus looked at Sirius apologetically, realizing how shattered the man must feel. Harry simply needed time to adjust... that was all.

Both men turned to watch Harry as he run up the stairs, obviously overwhelmed. Sirius moved to go after him, Remus grabbing his hand to prevent him from barging into Harry's room.

"Give him some time to think things through!" Remus said calmly, pulling Sirius into the kitchen.

"So," he said casually, attempting to distract Sirius from their current predicament "what else did Dumbledore say?"

oOo

Harry slammed the door, throwing his book across the room. He was sobbing uncontrollably, unable to control his emotions. What on earth was wrong with him? Sirius and Remus had just offered him a permanent residence... and he'd acted like a complete prat! This is exactly the type of behavior that had gotten him beaten at the Dursley's. He was nothing but an ungrateful little freak.

Throwing himself onto his bed, Harry buried his head in the pillow. Pulling the quilt around his frame, the boy couldn't help but cry. He didn't understand why Sirius and Remus were so eager to have him; he didn't understand anything anymore.

Punching the pillow repeatedly, Harry suppressed the urge to scream. Why was everything so damned difficult! Why couldn't he just be happy about staying Remus and Sirius? Why did he have to make such a big deal about EVERYTHING?

_Because he always screws it up._

Sighing in defeat, Harry wiped the tears from his eyes. Nothing made sense anymore, at least at the Dursley's there had been order. There had been rules... and punishments. He had understood the rules, understood the consequences of breaking them.

Harry had no idea as to how he should act around Sirius and Remus, he had no idea what would anger or upset them. He didn't understand their punishments and he certainly didn't understand their kindness. He was allowed to talk back. He didn't have to do chores. He had his own room. They fed him, clothed him and cared for him. It just didn't make sense. What had the world come to? What had he done to deserve this?

Staring down at his forearm, Harry realized his life would never be normal; he would always be a freak. Sirius and Remus were only putting up with him out of duty to their dead best friend. He supposed they would figure out how unlike James he was eventually, maybe then they'd throw him out.

Harry had never felt so conflicted in his life; it was as if he were having an internal argument with himself. He didn't want to go back to the Dursley's, but he didn't understand things with Remus and Sirius. He didn't want to leave the Lupin house... but he knew he'd be kicked out eventually. He was not his father... and it was only a matter of time until his guardians figured that out.

Looking up at the picture of his father upon his wall, Harry could not help but sigh. James was funny, popular and witty... he was everything Harry was not. Harry was broken, shy and withdrawn... he was everything he had once despised. He was a pathetic excuse of a Gryffindor.

Pulling himself off of his bed, Harry reached for his quill and old notebook. He needed an escape; he needed something, ANYTHING to get his mind off of things.

_Dear Diary_

He started, feeling a little awkward about the whole situation.

_I am so confused, I just don't understand why they're being so nice to me. I'm scared that they'll kick me out when they realize how unlike my father I truly am. I am not funny... I am not a jokester. I do not laugh, or smile. I am not my father. I will never be my father. _

Harry drew a breath, clenching his fists as he did so. He realized that he was making no sense, to anyone else, his diary would seem incomprehensible. It was nothing but an emotional release; he did not care how he sounded, whether he sounded insane or not.

_I wish I were more like him... I wish I were half the man that he was. Maybe then the Dursley's wouldn't have beaten me... Maybe then Sirius and Remus would want me._

Harry clamped his eyes shut, attempting to prevent his tears from falling.

_They told me they loved me the other day. I wanted to tell them that I loved them back... but I couldn't. Everyone I love turns up dead. I won't let that happen to them... I just won't! If only I were more like my dad. If only I weren't so weak._

**Sorry I haven't been updating as often guys... I have SOOO much h/w it's not even funny –glares at teachers-**

**R&R xox**


	17. Early Mornings

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

Harry awoke with a headache the next morning, his eyes swollen from crying, his throat hoarse. He felt like complete crap... like he had awoken with the biggest hangover of the century. He had cried his eyes out... and there was no more tears left to shed. It was not as if he had been sad, more so that he was happy. Kind of. Harry didn't really know how he felt.

A knock on the door soon shook the boy from his dreamlike state. Remus smiled halfheartedly at him, trying to convince him to come downstairs for breakfast. Harry did not feel much up to company though supposed he would be pestered to no end should he refuse.

"I'll be down in a moment." He stated, planning on changing into something more presentable.

Remus nodded, taking one last look at Harry before shutting the door. The boy knew how much his guardians liked his company, though he was unsure as to why that was. Harry supposed they would continue to like him so long as he stayed out of their way. He did not want to be a burden anyhow.

Realizing he was working himself into a bit of a state, the Gryffindor attempted to calm himself. As strange as it sounded, he yearned for an emotional release, he yearned for his journal. Though he did not plan on writing anything before breakfast, he felt safe in knowing it was hidden. Sirius came across as a little nosy, after all, he HAD read Remus' mail.

Changing into a pair of jeans and a jumper, Harry made his way downstairs. Unlike Grimmauld Place, the portraits that hung at the Lupin residence were welcoming and kind. At times they were known to get a little grumpy, but then again, who didn't?

"Morning Sirius." The boy mumbled as he sat beside his godfather.

Harry suddenly felt very out of place, Sirius dressed in nothing more than a pair of boxers and a singlet.

The man looked up from his paper, smiling at the boy with a mouthful of toast.

"Morn'in Har-y" he gargled.

Harry allowed himself to smile, staring out of the window as he did so. Sirius had supposedly had table manners at one point in his life, Merlin knows where they'd gone. Harry wished he had the courage to say such things aloud, but wondered if Sirius would be mad at him for doing so. It was true that he had loved James' banter... but that did not mean that he would enjoy Harry's. In the same sense, Sirius might not necessarily enjoy company either... regardless of how much he had enjoyed James'.

oOo

_Dear Diary,_

_I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm becoming more and more self-conscious by the minute. It's not as if I even had that much self confidence in the first place._

_I'm so confused ... I can hardly sleep I'm so worried. I worry about everything! I worry that I won't live up to Remus and Sirius' expectations. I worry that they are going to throw me out on the street. I worry about going back to school. I worry about Voldemort returning. Most of all, I worry about getting hit._

_I know that Remus and Sirius say they'd never do such a thing... but how could they promise that?... surely they're going to get mad at me at some point!_

oOo

_Dear Diary_

_I feel I am becoming overly reliant on you. I don't know if it's normal... but it's true. I can tell you everything... anything. It's almost liberating. _

_I almost told Sirius about some things yesterday... I almost told him about how uncle Vernon had held my head beneath the bathwater when I was five. I don't remember how the topic came up... but I almost slipped up. I don't really know WHY I'm so hesitant to tell them... but I don't want them to pity me._

_I don't know how much longer I can keep this stuff bottled up inside me. I suppose this is why I have you right?_

oOo

_Dear Diary_

_I don't know why I feel the way I do. I don't even know why I do the things I do. I'm probably the reason my parents are dead... I mean... why did I have to live? At very least I killed my mom... she gave her life to protect me. My pitiful life hardly seems to live up to her sacrifice._

_Why couldn't she have just stepped out of the way? At least then I wouldn't feel so guilty._

oOo

Sirius stared down at the leather bound book, wondering whether or not he should open it. Harry had been carrying it with him for the past few days, this had been the first time he had seen it out of his clasp. The boy had fallen asleep on the couch, his book resting on the table beside him.

The diary all but sung to him, it called to him. Sirius knew reading it was a bad idea, he knew it would be betraying Harry's trust! Somehow none of this seemed to matter, the darned book had been bugging him for days. He mightn't ever get another chance like this... not with Harry watching over him anyhow.

Remus would most certainly not approve of what he was about to do, in fact, he would probably be appalled. Harry's book hardly seemed to spark any interest for Moony at all, the man had even gone as far as to say it was 'good for him'. Sirius doubted Harry's sudden obsession with this book was a good thing. He vaguely remembered the last time Harry had told him about his infatuation with a journal. Hadn't that Weasley girl ended up in the chamber of secrets?

Long story short... journals = bad.

Running his hand along the spine, Sirius looked up to ensure that his godson was indeed asleep. Retreating to the kitchen with book in hand, he sat down at his usual breakfast position. Some parts of him felt a little guilty about doing this... but he really couldn't help himself.

Taking a quick glance up at the door, Sirius flipped the book open. He could feel his heart beating out of his chest, almost as if he were expecting to get caught. He supposed there would have been less likelihood of that happening should he have walked a little father to his room. Laziness hardly seemed appropriate in this situation.

Sirius flicked through the paged until he came face to face with Harrys last entry. The boy's handwriting looked almost as jumbled as it had on his letter, if not worse. He had obviously written this in a rush... or at very least not been concentrating on what he was doing. Somehow the latter seemed unlikely.

_Dear Diary_

_I have to go back to school soon... I'm so worried about what people will think if they see my scar. Obviously I'm not talking about the scar on my head... most people have grown accustomed to that by now. _

_I don't want to go back... but I don't want to be a burden to Sirius and Remus. I've been trying to do odd jobs around the house but they stop me every time I do so. I feel completely hopeless... and worthless. If I don't earn my keep... they might throw me out._

Sirius began choking on his own saliva, coughing and spluttering like it was nobody's business. HARRY THOUGHT WHAT? Where in the world had he gotten an idea so absurd? He and Remus would NEVER kick him out, he could still be living with them at 50 for all they cared. Harry could be the most disgusting, retched child ever and they would still welcome him with open arms. He was as much he and Remus' child as he was James'. Harry was his son... and he never wanted him to leave. He didn't so much as want to let him go to Hogwarts... but that was all but unavoidable.

Feeling a lump forming at the back of his throat, Sirius had to resist the urge to rip Harry's diary to shreds. The idea was so unbelievably ridiculous that he could hardly comprehend the idea. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Sirius hurriedly flipped to the first page of the journal. He had to know what this was all about, he had to know how he could fix it! What had he done wrong? What had made Harry so afraid of being kicked out? Was he that bad of a godfather?

_Dear Diary_

_I am so confused, I just don't understand why they're being so nice to me. _

Sirius felt his heart leap from his chest, his hands shaking in complete and utter desolation. He HAD to fix this... he just HAD to!

_I'm scared that they'll kick me out when they realize how unlike my father I truly am. I am not funny... I am not a jokester. I do not laugh, or smile. I am not my father. I will never be my father._

Sirius didn't understand why Harry was so quick to judge himself, he did not understand why Harry was so afraid to be himself. He did not want Harry to be James... he loved his godson just for being Harry. That was all he had ever wanted... he just wanted Harry to be happy... he just wanted Harry to be Harry.

_I wish I were more like him... I wish I were half the man that he was. Maybe then the Dursley's wouldn't have beaten me... Maybe then Sirius and Remus would want me._

Sirius felt the floor being stripped from beneath them. His whole word had literally been turned on its head. Nothing but Harry mattered anymore. He would not rest until everything was right with Harry, he would hold him for the rest of his life if it made him feel wanted. He would tuck him into bed, read him bedtime stories. He would do anything... and everything to make his godson happy.

_They told me they loved me the other day. I wanted to tell them that I loved them back... but I couldn't. Everyone I love turns up dead. I won't let that happen to them... I just won't! If only I were more like my dad. If only I weren't so weak._

**Yay fot chapters written at three in the morning XD**

**R&R (just so you all know... all of your reviews mean so much to me! I look forward to reading them whenever I turn on my computer. Some of you have even come close to making me cry xoxox)**


	18. Hushed Conversations

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!

Sirius sat with his head buried beneath his arms, forehead resting against the table like a sulking child. Remus, upon entering the kitchen, was unable to hide his surprise. Padfoot was known to overreact, but never before had he seen the man so sad without reason. He had not even looked this upset when he had heard of James and Lily's death... or betrayal as they so referred to it.

"Are you ok?" he whispered, bending down so that his face was on the same level as Sirius'

An incomprehensible 'mhph' was all the man got in response, farthing his suspicions that Padfoot was indeed upset.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Sirius need little more than look up in response, his bloodshot eyes telling Moony that he was no mood for talking. The men had known each other for so long that they had grown accustomed to reading the others body language. When Sirius cried, something terrible must have happened.

A leather bound book was thrust into Remus' hands, a book that the werewolf knew well. Harry had been carrying this same journal around for days, what it was doing in Sirius' possession was yet to be determined.

"Read it" the man stated hoarsely, looking up at Remus as he did so.

Moony fingered the book for a while, unsure as to whether he should open the journal or not. Whatever was written within these pages must have been personal, or else Harry wouldn't have been carrying it around for the past few days. By the same token, whatever was written within these pages must have been upsetting, or else Sirius wouldn't have been acting so strangely.

Flipping the book open to the first page, Remus found himself muffling a gasp. He suddenly began to wonder how he and Sirius had been so blind. They were not so naïve as to think that Harry would open up to them immediately, but never had they stopped to consider he was taking things so harshly.

Sirius snatched the book away from Remus for a moment, only to thrust it back into his awaiting hands a second later. The werewolf looked down hesitantly, realizing that Sirius had opened the journal to a particular entry. Remus was not sure that he wanted to read whatever was sprawled across this page but supposed he would have to at some point.

_Dear Diary_

The man's heart began beating outside of his chest, his breath quickening.

_I had a dream last night, well, multiple dreams last night. I was five years old, being thrown into the cupboard after 'tattling on Dudley', Uncle Vernon had come in and slapped me around for a bit. He'd sat me down in the living room and forced me to apologize to my pig of a cousin. He'd then taken off his belt and whacked me across my back. I began to cry, pleading with him to stop. Aunt Petunia looked up at me for a moment... I thought she was going to make him stop... but instead she'd simply closed the front door. She didn't want the neighbors to hear._

_Next I was 8, trailing after my relatives in a busy alleyway. I'd bumped into an old lady as I'd attempted to catch up with them; Vernon had turned around and slapped me across the face. The old woman had looked shocked... but said nothing._

_Then I was 10, writing a letter to my parents for an English assignment. I'd sat by the window the looking on as the rest of the children opened their replies. My teacher had then asked me why my Aunt and Uncle hadn't written me back. I'd told her that they didn't care about me... to which she responded 'I'm sure they've just forgotten'._

_I thought that adults were supposed to take care of kids. Why then, did nobody ever look after me? There must be something wrong with me... or else, there is something wrong absolutely everybody else in the world... and that simply does not make sense._

Remus was not sure how to react, too afraid to even open his mouth in response. He knew that he and Sirius would have to approach Harry about this at some stage... but how would they do that without him knowing they'd read his diary? They couldn't very well send him back to Hogwarts hating every adult he came into contact with. By that same token, they couldn't have Harry hating THEM either.

He found it easier to block out the mental images of Harry being abused by his Uncle, the mere thought made him want to rip the man limb from limb. He subconsciously began scalding himself for not doing more to the Dursley's when he'd have the chance. He wished he'd allowed Sirius to kill them.

"We need to put this back before Harry finds out we've read it."

oOo

Harry awoke with a start, his head throbbing just as it had done the previous morning. Realizing that he had fallen asleep on the couch, the boy stretched out his arms. His neck was stiff, legs having lost circulation.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Harry turned his attention to the side table beside him. His journal sat in the same position in which he had left it. Relief instantly befell him, having realized that the diary could have easily gone missing.

Sirius and Remus were speaking in hushed tones in the kitchen, their figures barely visible from where he was seated. Sirius sounded almost as if he had been crying, Moony sounded no happier. He wondered what had gotten them so upset though supposed they must have been talking about him. After all, his name had already come up multiple times.

Harry began wondering if his suspicions were being confirmed, if perhaps they really were going to kick him out. The Gryffindor instantly stiffened, his heart all but jumping out of his mouth. He had known this moment was coming, but never did he think it would be so soon. He should have tried harder to remain on their good sides, he shouldn't have acted like such a prat the other night.

Reluctantly pulling himself into a standing position, Harry forced himself to walk towards the Kitchen. He stood idly in the doorframe for a moment, his guardian's eyes instantly darting towards him. Both men attempted to hide their true feeling beneath a smile, greeting Harry as they normally did. Sirius' eyes were bloodshot, a dead giveaway that something was amiss.

"If you wanted me to leave all you had to do was ask" the boy rasped, voice heavy with sleep.

Sirius' mouth was agape, Remus' eyes wide in shock. Neither man said a word, simply jumped out of their seats. Harry had absolutely no idea what they were doing but was scared none the less. Both men soon took a hold of his arms, dragging him towards the kitchen table. They seated harry between them, moving their own chairs so that they sat facing the boy. Each man took a hold of the boys hand before looking between themselves for reassurance.

**Hey guys... this is another chapter I wrote at like 2 in the morning... so yeaahh, I haven't really had time to read it over as much as I normally do. Hope you still like it.**

**R&R (btw... a lot of your reviews are really touching... thank you all SO MUCH. You have made me the happiest person alive XD)**


	19. Discussions about Love

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

_Sirius' mouth was agape, Remus' eyes wide in shock. Neither man said a word, simply jumped out of their seats. Harry had absolutely no idea what they were doing but was scared none the less. Both men soon took a hold of his arms, dragging him towards the kitchen table. They seated harry between them, moving their own chairs so that they sat facing the boy. Each man took a hold of the boys hand before looking between themselves for reassurance._

"We don't want you to leave Harry" Remus stated plainly, setting good foundation for the coming conversation.

"Not ever" Sirius elaborated, sending a half smile towards Remus.

The men loved having Harry in their home; it came as welcome change to normalcy. To be truthful, they didn't know how they were going to cope when he left for Hogwarts. Harry might just have to deal with receiving multiple letters a day... or else Sirius might literally lose his mind.

"I don't ever want you ever to think that you are not welcome here," Sirius continued "You are as much my own son as you are James'"

Remus looked to be tearing up, smiling towards Harry affectionately. Harry was indeed like his son, he felt more fatherly in his presence than he ever had as a teacher.

"We love you like our son Harry," Remus added "No matter what you do."

Harry's eyes widened for a moment, comprehending the situation. He felt happy, or at least partly happy. Though he couldn't lead himself to believe them fully, he couldn't help but hang off their every word. There would have to be SOMETHING that would change their opinion of him. Love was not unconditional... he'd learnt that from experience.

"What if I break your wand?" he asked hesitantly, looking up to meet the men's gaze.

Sirius considered answering the question sarcastically but decided against it. He wasn't sure that Harry was in the right frame of mind to distinguish between jokes and reality.

"I'd still love you" he said calmly, smiling towards his godson.

Harry thought for a moment, considering what Sirius had just said. Breaking someone's wand, no matter if it was accidental or not, was enough to drive anyone up the wall. There was absolutely no WAY Sirius was telling the truth. Whatever he and Remus wanted from him must have been big... or else they wouldn't be lying to him like this. Come to think of it, nobody had ever been this nice to him without wanting something in return. The boy started to panic, wondering what exactly they wanted from him. It was not as if he had that much to give in the first place.

"I don't believe you." He said hesitantly, hoping not to anger his Guardians by talking back.

Sirius took a quick glance towards the boy before looking at Remus for reinforcement.

"Harry," Remus cooed, "You mean more to us than any wand."

Harry fell quiet for a moment, twiddling his thumbs, he still did not look convinced. Sirius inwardly sighed, realizing that things were going to be far more difficult than he'd first anticipated. He looked to Remus for help, hoping beyond hope that he could come up with a way around this... fast.

"You still don't believe us?" Remus asked carefully, his tone inquisitive and soft.

Harry looked up momentarily, shaking his head cautiously. It was apparent that he was trying not to anger them. Remus could not help but feel his stomach drop... he was never going to trust them. Not unless they did something drastic. Like save him from getting hit by a car... or something equally heroic and life endangering. He wanted nothing more than to make Harry trust him. He would do whatever it took, no matter the costs.

An idea suddenly came to mind, one that Remus was not entirely happy about. He was not certain that it would even work, but it had to be worth a try. He had to do this... he had to do this for Harry. Hadn't he only stated, just moments ago, that he would do anything for Harry? Hadn't he vowed to do whatever it took to make Harry trust him?

Reluctantly, the man pulled out his wand. He looked over the twig for a moment, mentally apologizing for what he was about to do. He and his wand had achieved greatness together... but he was willing to sacrifice it all. He would give everything he had to help harry. He would do everything within his power... even this.

Cringing as he did so, the man snapped the wood. He threw the wand, now in two pieces, triumphantly towards the ground. He couldn't help but feel as if a small part of him had died... but this feeling was trumped by anticipation. Dusting his hands off, He looked towards Harry.

"You'll always be the most important thing in my life."

Sirius looked towards his friend questionably before too snapping his wand. The four, fragmented pieces of wood lay symbolically beside one another on the floor. A gaping Harry stared down in horror, his eyes wide in shock. This was all his fault. Remus and Sirius had broken their wands for HIM!

Harry looked up at the men, opening his mouth in an attempt to apologize. No matter how hard he tried, no words would pass his lips. He was literally shocked to silence. Sirius and Remus had BROKEN their WANDS for HIM. The little voice that had been nagging at the back of his head slowly grew louder. Though the boy attempted to silence it, he could not help but feel a little hopeful. Yes, he felt guilty about his Guardians wands... but he also couldn't help but think that perhaps the nagging voice at the back of his head had a point.

_Maybe they do love you._

Maybe they loved him.

What if they loved him?

Nobody loved him.

Harry felt himself welling up, his emotions bubbling to the surface like molten lava. Sirius and Remus couldn't love a FREAK like him could they? His Aunt and Uncle surely hadn't. No... they couldn't... it was impossible. Nobody in their right mind could love a freak like him? Right?

Reason attempted to dull the voice at the back of his head. He tried to convince himself that if Sirius and Remus had really cared... they would have gotten him away from the Dursley's earlier. Reason seemed to be losing... and it was scaring him. The thought of someone, anyone, caring about him was an entirely new concept.

He wanted to believe that he had finally found a home but couldn't help but have his reservations. Though he was far from convinced, the nagging voice at the back of his head was louder than ever.

_Maybe they do love you... maybe you are loved._

**Naaawww I've been looking forward to writing this chapter for a while now XD  
>R&amp;R<strong>


	20. Laying Down the Law

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!**

"_You're nothing but a worthless brat."_

"_Our lives would have been so much better off if you had just died alongside your good for nothing parents"_

"_Say one more thing about magic and I swear you'll regret it boy!"_

Harry shook the memories from his head, trying his hardest to make sense of what had just happened. He didn't understand how was it that Sirius and Remus could make him question everything he had once known. He couldn't believe that he was even considering the idea that he might be of more worth than he felt. Maybe the wizarding world cared more than they let on. Maybe they cared less about _the boy who lived, _and more about the real Harry, the boy that got left behind... the one who was forgotten. Until now, Harry had never known love. Perhaps it was possible for Sirius and Remus to love him, maybe, just maybe, he wasn't completely abhorrent.

The idea of anyone loving him was rather difficult to fathom, he had always been told he was unlovable, a freak. His uncle had drilled the idea into him, beat it into him. He was a freak... right? Before tonight, Harry would have agreed whole heartedly. Before tonight, he could have listed 1000 reasons why he deserved to be beaten. Remus and Sirius had changed that... if only slightly.

"I'm sorry about your wands" Harry whispered, speaking into his hands.

Remus looked up, smiling. He didn't care about his wand... at least not as much as he thought he might've. There would always be other wands, but there would never be another Harry.

"It's ok bud," he comforted, "you didn't do anything wrong."

Harry's eyes began to water, the corners of his lips upturning slightly. He had been blamed for everything at the Dursley's... even things that were quite obviously Dudley's fault. Like breaking the vase for example.

_Freak_

Harry rubbed his arm self-consciously, unsure as to what he should say. Both men looked at him expectantly, as if hanging on his every word. What exactly did they want to hear? Harry was at a loss for ideas.

"Dudley knocked the vase over during dinner," He said randomly, pulling up his sleeve so as to expose his scar, "Uncle Vernon saw him do it. I don't know why I got blamed... but I did. He said I must have used my magic to make him fall... and he said that I needed to learn my lesson once and for all. He said that freaks like me deserved to be branded."

Sirius looked up uneasily, glad that Harry seemed to be opening up to them. He felt like he was about to throw up, a mix of both anger and desolation unsettling his stomach.

"It's not right what he did Harry... it makes me angry just thinking about it."

The boy looked up, eyes peering over the top of his glasses.

"I know."

Sirius and Remus smiled a little, realizing just how much progress Harry seemed to have made in the last five minutes. They were unsure as to whether his behavior would last... but they were at least going to enjoy it while it lasted. Though it wasn't exactly a happy moment, it was a step in the right direction. Harry was in a better frame of mind.

"What ARE you going to do about your wands anyway?" Harry asked, eying his guardians suspiciously.

Remus shrugged, knowing too well that it would be near impossible to replace Sirius' wand. A wanted criminal couldn't exactly walk into Ollivanders willy nilly... Sirius might just have to make do for a while. Padfoot had never really been without a wand before, not even as a child. As it were, pureblood families were granted special privileges. The ministry turned a blind eye to much of the happenings in noble households, if only in fear of losing funding. Moony wondered how Sirius would cope.

Should the need ever should arise, Remus supposed Sirius could borrow his wand anyhow. The werewolf hadn't exactly planned on Sirius breaking his wand... but was glad that he had. Harry seemed more relaxed around them now, more content in their company. Remus hoped their relationship would only continue to grow from here... that Harry would continue to open up as he had mere moments before. He dare not let his hopes up, but he was secretly optimistic.

"I'll pop into Ollivanders tomorrow morning," Remus explained, "I was planning on going to see Dumbledore anyhow."

The werewolf stopped speaking, taking a moment to regain his thoughts.

"Just don't burn the house down while I'm gone alright?" the man threatened, eying Sirius pleadingly.

Harry laughed, smiling over at his godfather. Sirius' eyes lightened, simply overjoyed by the boy's sudden change in mood. It was almost as if someone had slipped him a happy pill, or put him under the imperious curse. This was the first glimpse of James he had seen within the boy... and he liked it. Maybe Harry was more like his father than he let on... maybe he was more like Prongs than he realized.

"Me?" the man stated accusingly, "How could you say such a thing Moony? What have I ever done to you?"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Sirius... I can think of at least three times you set our dorm on fire during seventh year."

Sirius snorted, eyes flickering between Moony and his godson. It was true that he had set the Marauders dorm on fire multiple times... but generally he had used it as an excuse to get out of class. Only once had the fire gotten out of control.

"Yeah... but most of those were intentional!" He justified, raising his voice ever so slightly.

"That's what worries me."

Harry was literally beside himself with laughter, tears of happiness streaming down his face. He could not remember the last time he had laughed this hard, nor did he know why he found the situation so humorous. He supposed it was because this scene was different to anything he had ever experienced before. Vernon and Petunia hadn't joked like this... not even Dudley had had a sense of humor.

"I won't set the house on fire Moony... I swear!" Sirius assured, raising his hands in mock surrender.

Remus eyed him suspiciously, raising his eyebrow as he did so. A chuckle escaped the man's lips as he shook his head, his crow's feet more visible than ever.

"I'm still hiding the matches."

**Ok so I have been suffering from pretty bad writers block... but your reviews really helped. They kept me motivated to write XD **

**uummm... I'll be sending Harry back to Hogwarts soon, which will mean major withdrawals for both Guardians and child... don't worry though, there's still a LOT more fatherly fluff in store sooo yeah XD OOHHHH and I'll be introducing a bit of Snape... but I don't know if he's going to be horrible or nice yet so we'll see**

**just a bit of a teaser for the coming chapters xoxo (my way of apologizing for taking so long to update)**

**R&R**


	21. Conversations Over Toast

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry potter series, any of its characters, settings, ideas, plotlines or other such things. All of this belongs to the AMAZING J.K. Rowling!

Remus left early the next morning, long before Harry or Sirius had even contemplated awakening. He had always been an early bird, his insomnia not helping matters in the slightest. Sporting his best fitting wizarding robes, the man began the long haul down to the leaky cauldron, looking a little like the reincarnation of death. It was not long until the full moon, the werewolf a little paler than usual. Black bags enclosed his eyes, his scars a little more prominent than usual. Though the full effects of his illness were yet to kick in, there was no denying he looked a mess.

Remus was by no means a fan of flying... and as he no longer had means of appairation, there was little option other than to walk. He supposed the fresh air would do him good though mentally scalded himself for not having stocked up on floo powder earlier. Figuring that Sirius must have used the last of his emergency supply, Remus could not help but roll his eyes.

oOo

Sirius clambered down the stairs, still groggy from sleep. He had stayed up late last night, sculling whatever alcohol he could get his hands on. The idea, though favorable at the time, had been a little misguided. No matter which way he put it, his reasoning sounded childish. He had been upset, more than a little worried about Harry's wellbeing. Neither he nor Remus knew how the boy would react once he was back at Hogwarts. The idea of being separated from Harry was hard enough as it was... the additional anxiety was sending his emotions into a downward spiral.

"Ow... shit"

Stubbing his toe against the bottom stair, Sirius was unable to hold his tongue. He heard Harry stirring upstairs though figured he would have time to start breakfast. Remus had left some bread and jam out on the table, realizing that it was almost impossible to burn toast. Sirius smiled a little, knowing too well that he would have to make it the Muggle way.

Upon hearing the commotion downstairs, Harry forced himself from underneath the sheets. He and Sirius were alone for the day, Remus having planned on running errands. He wondered what his godfather would make of the situation; it was not as if he had a wand anymore either. Harry expected the worse, boredom not exactly sitting well with Padfoot. Regardless of his reluctance, the boy suspected it would be an eventful day.

Taking the steps two at a time, Harry arrived in the kitchen to find his godfather struggling with a toaster. Sighing, he stole the bread from the man's hands, showing him the correct way to use the machine. Sirius smiled at him as he rushed to find the cutlery.

"How'd you sleep bud?" he asked enthusiastically, eyes still a little bloodshot from the previous night.

Harry shrugged, "ok I guess."

The elder man, obviously perplexed by the toaster, allowed silence to befall the room. Harry felt a little awkward, only now remembering the conversation that had taken place the previous night. He felt his stomach drop a little though was glad Sirius hadn't made a big deal about it. Everything was normal... for the most part.

"You've got to wait for it to pop up." Harry stated matter-of-factly, removing the metal fork from his godfathers clasp.

"It's so much easier the wizard way!" he complained, slumping back in his chair.

Harry joined him at the breakfast table, watching as Padfoot crossed his arms impatiently. His godfather was just as childish as he, perhaps a little more so at times. He would certainly miss the man when he returned to Hogwarts, not that he wasn't excited to see his friends nonetheless.

"My book list came the other day," he mumbled, "you wouldn't mind if I went shopping with Ron and his family next week would you?"

Though Harry felt slightly more comfortable in Sirius presence than that of a normal adult, he still felt anxious when asking such direct questions. It almost felt as if he was disobeying an order, as a matter of fact, he would've been had he still been living with the Dursleys.

Sirius shrugged, "I don't see any reason why not"

Harry was still unaccustomed to his godfathers means of parenting. The boy was free to do pretty much whatever he liked. Remus was generally the voice of reason, but even so, his rules were hardly unreasonable. All of the rules within the house were set in place for both Harry and Sirius' protection. For example, Harry couldn't simply pack up and leave... if he wanted to go somewhere he had to ask permission first. Come to think of it... that was the only rule Remus had actually set.

"Looking forward to going back to Hogwarts?" Sirius asked grudgingly.

Harry smirked slightly, knowing how bored his godfather would be without him there to keep him company. Remus seemed to be in and out of the house a lot, not that Harry had ever bothered to ask where he was going. He assumed it must've had something to do with his illness or else Sirius would've mentioned it to him. Werewolf talk was somewhat of a veto in the Lupin household. All Harry knew was that he would be spending a night at the Weasley's when the full moon came next week.

"Not really... I'd much rather stay here with you and Remus"

Sirius chuckled a little, agreeing with his godson whole heartedly.

"I don't suppose Snivellus makes it easy for you does he?" Sirius mused.

Harry shook his head, Snape had had it out for him since first year. Some part of him still suspected that the man was a death eater, regardless of the fact that Remus had assured him otherwise. It wasn't as if Remus and Sirius were too fond of him either, come to think of it, nobody liked the man much... aside from the Slytherin's of course.

"I wouldn't worry too much about him Harry," Sirius chuckled, "He's all talk and no fight."

_POP_

Harry jumped a little, the toaster having taken him off guard.

"It's ok... I'm used to it"

Padfoot swallowed loudly, an obviously attempt at hiding his resentment for the man. From what Harry could make out, they had been enemies of sorts. Nobody really liked to talk about the feud much, more due to better things to discuss than anything else.

"He's a bit of a twat anyways." Harry concluded, buttering his toast as he did so.

Sirius laughed, smiling at Harry.

"Don't I know it!"

**Hey guys sorry for the wait... homework you know?**

**R&R plz... your reviews continue to make my day. Oh and you needn't worry... I was never going to make Snape NICE. I'm not one of those people that writes way OOC XD**

**xoxo  
><strong>


	22. The Big Red Engine

Platform 9¾ had always been a rather peculiar place, rats, cats and magical creatures roaming about the station. Harry, despite being in his fourth year at Hogwarts, still found it strange. The homely, warm feel to the station was something he could never quite replicate.. or grasp. The Hogwarts express would forever be his favorite place, holding a special place in his heart that neither Remus nor Sirius could replace. An escape from his relatives, the derelict red engine was his first place of happiness, of opportunity. It had been his first taste of freedom.

To Harry, platform 9 ¾ was the gateway between the wizarding and muggle worlds. It was here, on this very platform, that the boy had received his first taste of Hogwarts. It was aboard the Hogwarts express that he met his best friends, both Ron and Hermione. He eaten magical candy, and reveled in his newfound independence.

Standing on the platform with Remus beside him, Harry couldn't have been happier. Padfoot sniffed his feet, attempting to look like a typical household pet. Sirius had never really been good at acting, and hence, had landed himself into a fair amount of strife in the past. Padfoot was unsubtle and quite frankly... horrible at pretending. It was obvious to those who knew him that snuffle was a human... but Harry simply hoped his act was believable enough to trick his fellow classmates.

"Sirius... Stop groveling and start acting more like a dog!" He whispered harshly, glaring down and the dog.

The grim trailed lazily behind the boy, occasionally nipping at Lupin's heels. The ex-defense against the dark arts teacher felt a little out of place on the station, all eyes being fixated on himself and Harry. Remus had been well liked amongst his students, and hence, they had been greeted warmly. Many thought it a little strange that he was now living with an ex-student... but nobody was brave enough to point it out. Many thought it unethical, but by the same token, they were a little envious of the boy. Who wouldn't want to live in the Lupin household after all? Aside from the fact that he was a werewolf, the man was perfect father material.

Pulling down on his oversized cardigan, the man walked with his head down. Blushing a little, Remus kicked at the dog, growing frustrated with Sirius biting at his heels. Huffing, he stormed ahead of the grim, placing his arm over Harry's shoulder. The boy flinched slightly before relaxing, seeming far more content in the station than he was anywhere else. Remus could not help but smile, knowing that Harry's returning to Hogwarts was a good thing.

"I'm nervous." The boy whispered, hiding his head beneath his shirt collar.

Remus smiled halfheartedly, wondering why it was Harry insisted on overdramatizing every situation. Why couldn't he allow himself to be happy... just this once? Hogwarts had been his first home, and it was perfectly fine for him to want to return there. Sure, Remus loved having the boy around... but he simply seemed happier within the walls of Hogwarts. Perhaps upon returning home he would realize just how much he and Sirius truly loved him.

"I've never had anything to lose before." He whispered, looking up at Remus expectantly.

Harry had never feared losing anyone before, at least not anyone outside of Hogwarts. Before now, he would have been happy to return home to an empty house, to be abandoned. Now, he wanted Remus and Sirius. He wanted them await his return on the platform, to have his bed made when he got home.

Harry, clamping his eyes shut, could hardly bring himself to make eye contact with his housemates. Everyone seemed interested in his being with Remus, the werewolf having been fired the previous year. Though it seemed a little strange, it was hardly worthy of such dirty looks... especially from the Slytherins. It took every ounce of Harry's courage to prevent himself from cowering, from sinking further into Remus' frame.

Scanning the crowd, Harry was glad to catch a glimpse of a red headed family. Fred and George Weasley were making their way through the mob, obviously intent on reaching Harry and Remus. The twins, ruffling Sirius' fur as they passed, all but pounced on the boy. Harry cringed momentarily before punching the boy's playfully, allowing them to draw him way from Remus' embrace.

"HARRY!" they screamed, holding their broomsticks awkwardly beside them.

"You'll never believe what happened." Fred panted.

"Ron's been dying to tell you." George continued.

"But what type of big brothers would we be if we let him have this moment?"

Harry looked at the boys quizzically, Remus shrugging his shoulders beside him. Neither man had any idea what the boys were on about... nor were they sure it would be anything of interest. The Weasley twins had a particular knack for talking crap... to say the least.

"Someone raided your relative's house" George wheezed.

"Beat up your uncle too!" Fred finished, smiling broadly at the boy.

Remus fought hard to maintain his straight face, a smile tugging at his lips. Padfoot coughed, almost as if he were chocking on his own spit. The splutter seemed the equivalent of a dog laughing.

Harry was a little confused at first but soon caught onto what the pair were sniggering about.

"You didn't?" He asked accusingly, eyes widening at the thought.

Remus allowed himself to smile, a cheeky grin spreading from ear to ear. Harry looked aghast but not all that upset, perhaps even a little amused. The boy, more so than anything, was glad that his guardians had released their pent up anger. He was almost proud of them, but knew better than to express this pride. Simply rolling his eyes and smirking, Harry lightly pushed his DADA teacher lightly.

"You guys are unbelievable." He muttered, ruffling Sirius' coat as he awaited the arrival of his friends

**Ok so this is going to be a relatively LONG author's note... so feel free to just skip it if you want. I'd just like to apologize for my (very) late update... I've been having trouble with my computer so it's only partially my fault. I've borrowed my brother's computer for an hour and been able to blurt out this above chapter. I know it's not very long... or my best work, but I was really in the mood for an upbeat chapter. I feel harry needs at least a LITTLE happiness before running into snape :P**

**Thank you all for your patience and I will try to update more frequently... but I no longer have a word processor on my computer (don't ask) so I'm just going to have to wait until I can steal my brothers computer again :) hopefully you guys won't have to wait to long for an update xoxo**

**R&R, luvs you all :)**


End file.
